Love Salt Light

Intentionally growing in love.

Intentionally growing in love

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You would be familiar with the saying “preventio

You would be familiar with the saying “prevention is better than cure”. It means that it’s easier to stop something from happening in the first place than to repair the damage after it has happened.
We often link this to our health and we all know that a preventative approach is the best way to avoid illness and disease.

What things are you and your spouse doing daily/ weekly/ monthly to PREVENT any damage from occurring in your marriage?
We never know what’s around the corner in life and what challenges we’ll be faced with but we can be building preventative measures into our marriage before we encounter any difficulties.
I’m sure this year many marriages have been tested with loss of jobs, incomes, community, routines and mental health issues. Some couples would have been pushed to their limits under the pressures of 2020 but hopefully most were forged closer and more united through the unknown. How would you say you travelled this year in your marriage? Were the past things you had in place enough to sustain your love and devotion? Or did you get to the end of your tether and find you really need to reassess and implement new rituals and intention?

For us personally we know our next greatest challenge is going to be adjusting to life with three kids at home next year (sans family!!) and all the beautiful chaos that will bring - so as we approach the final weeks of this pregnancy we’re starting to discuss how we’ll find time for each other and ourselves, our financial state and what routines and rituals will change in our marriage. We can’t predict it all but if we even just start to think and discuss it together, I think there’s a far greater chance of thriving together rather than just assuming we can coast and our marriage will continue to be unaffected in this next stage of life.
The end of the year can be a beautiful (yet often painful) time of reflection, but by doing this you can help spring board yourselves better into the next year. We encourage you to take time this month to chat through your own preventative steps for 2021 #growyourlove

Rituals of connection Do you and your spouse go

Rituals of connection

Do you and your spouse go to bed at the same time? Do you spend time chatting or cuddling every day before falling asleep?
Maybe you pray together or at least unwind and debrief from your days? That’s what we do and have done almost every night since we got married. Sure there have been times when we haven’t but particularly since becoming parents, it’s often the only true alone time we have each day so we make it count.

We have found this to be such a foundational pillar of our marriage. There are rarely nights we go to bed at different times. Unless one of us is sick or very tired, we will always get into bed at the same time. It’s a time we look forward to very much.

There are other little times in the day we always connect too. A few years ago I started to notice that every time I looked at a clock it was 12:34! Once you take notice it literally happens every day (surely it’s not just me) but since I shared it with Mark, it now happens to him too. So we often take a photo of what we’re doing at 12:34, or just text at this time or even if we don’t connect, I know we’re thinking of each other when this time of the day occurs.

These are just examples of connections but when they happen regularly, could become really meaningful rituals.
If you’re thinking “we don’t really have any” then just try something today and build it in daily for a week and see what happens. Could be a ritual around bedtime or meals, saying hello or goodbye or how you communicate when you’re apart. Always the little things that #growyourlove

What is your biggest obstacle that keeps you two f

What is your biggest obstacle that keeps you two from connecting as well as you would like? One thing you can do this week is to identify it and then work together to come up with a solution #growyourlove

“Negative communication patterns can silence a s

“Negative communication patterns can silence a spouse. The solution is to change those patterns. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether your conversation with your spouse are negative. Answer each one honestly with a yes or a no.
•Do I often come across as complaining?
When my spouse talks, do I cut him off and give my responses?
•Do I force the issue of communication with my spouse, even in those times when she needs to be alone?
•Do I broadcast our private conversations to others?
•Do I openly share my own needs and desires as demands rather than requests?
•When my spouse shares an opinion that differs from mine, am I quick to “set him straight”?

If you can answer yes to any of these questions, it may be time for you to change a negative communication pattern. Changing these patterns may be difficult, but it is the way toward loosening the tongue of your uncommunicative spouse.
One of the best ways to do this is to develop the art of listening. If you exhibit the sincere desire to understand your spouse through listening, you will enhance the climate of open communication. There are many ways you can communicate “I care about what you say” just by listening. Give your spouse your undivided attention when he or she is talking; maintain eye contact when possible; turn off the TV; lay down the book (or Facebook) and give your mate your focused attention. All these actions communicate “Your words matter to me.”
To receive your spouse’s ideas as information rather than as an opinion that you must correct creates an atmosphere of acceptance. This doesn’t mean that you agree with all of those ideas; it simply means that you give your spouse the freedom to hold those ideas.
Learning to control your anger and to hear your spouse out also enhances communication. Loud, angry outbursts almost always stop the flow of communication (Continued in comments)

When was the last time you intentionally encourage

When was the last time you intentionally encouraged your husband? Let the words that come out of our mouths be words of love, light and affirmation. Tell your husband something you love about him right now. Maybe the way he fathers your children, or how he works tirelessly for the family or maybe how he gives the best hugs or makes you feel so safe and calm. Compliment him physically and remind him you’re his number one fan. Men’s egos and self esteem thrive off positive affirmations and this should be coming from his number one gal. Call him, send him a quick message or write a note and leave it on his pillow for tonight. Be a wife who champions her husband everyday #growyourlove #championyourhusband

We wrote this post 2.5 years ago after experiencin

We wrote this post 2.5 years ago after experiencing our first miscarriage. It could be really relevant to you after the year that 2020 has been or even with lockdown slowly easing, there’s a lot of people who will continue to be very deeply effected mentally and emotionally from that experience. Could be a good time to ask this question when you next sit down for a no distractions chat! 🧡Everyone needs one intimate relationship for health and wellbeing, and if you're married that should be with your spouse. A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. Taking turns to be strong for each other when the other feels weak is so important.
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We started our year with a big valley that we're still not completely out of yet. There's been moments where particularly I, have wanted to retreat or get annoyed at Mark when expectations aren't met around support. I have really needed Mark to be the stronger one for us, so this is a question I have had to really talk through.
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Recently my mind and emotions were getting the better of me and everything in me wanted to make this clear to Mark by shutting down and being a bit of a grump. But deep down I knew I shouldn't be annoyed at him because he WAS supporting me, but I hadn't clearly shared my expectations on how I was hoping he would support me in this particular situation.
After clearing my head with some exercise one night, we had a real honest chat starting with this question. What a difference that made as I could express my thoughts without being angry and Mark could share his perspective. I felt so much relief to just be truly open and Mark now has a better understanding of how to show his love and support me during these low moments.
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When life changing moments happen in a marriage, they can have the potential to cause distance or create a new level of intimacy you haven't discovered yet. We've been together for 12 years this year and whilst it's easy to think we know each other inside and out, there's always more to learn. Asking this question can really save some heartache and create clarity BEFORE you next encounter a valley moment. #growyourlove

Last year we watched a YouTube series called What

Last year we watched a YouTube series called What Happy Couples Know ( on your recommendations actually!!) One big part of what it focuses on is expectations and the danger of them in a marriage.
We particularly loved the “debt/debtor” analogy. It can be dangerous when you begin to have this mindset- that your spouse owes you things. This is because it causes gratitude to be minimal.
Take the example of owing someone money. If you OWE me $100, and then later you give me $100 as a gift, I probably won’t feel very grateful or be as thankful for that gift as you owed that to me anyway.
So in a marriage, if I have the expectation that Mark should behave a certain way or do certain things, when he does them, I’m going to be less grateful that he did them because I believe he owed it to me in the first place.
Ie) if I believe he OWES me to put the kids to bed because I’ve had them all day, then when he does this, I could be less grateful because I believed he should have anyway.
In other words, you should be doing things for your spouse without believing you are owed things in return.
One thing that’s been a challenge for me in recent years is not getting into a mindset that because I look after the kids full time, that I work harder around the clock therefore deserve more break time than Mark does. It’s easy to slip into the expectation that because I’m a stay at home Mum, Mark “owes” me to do lots of the kid stuff when he IS home, or that I deserve more nights out w friends, more alone time etc.
This is not true and it only breeds resentment towards your spouse. Seeing us as equals and that I owe him everything, and he owes me NOTHING, is the best way to show him gratitude.
It’s the easy route to let a bad attitude about an expectation bring down an evening, day, week or even month - but all that creates is distance. Put in the hard work to check yourself, your outlook, your attitude and expectations and you can reap the benefits of a healthier growing and adapting relationship!! 🧡Is there something in your heart that’s inhibiting gratitude to your spouse because you feel they OWE you something? Reflect and redirect that today💛

What’s one area you guys are not so good at in y

What’s one area you guys are not so good at in your marriage? Finances are one of the main issues couples fight about. It has the potential to create huge tension when you’re not on board together with the same plan or goals. Generally there’s one person who’s the natural saver and one who’s the natural spender so if you both have different attitudes towards where your money goes, misunderstandings and frustrations can begin to take over. Financial stressors when left unattended are one of the biggest contributors to separation in marriages.
Are you and your spouse on the same page financially?
We’re always trying to steward our finances better but it’s an area we both want to improve on a lot. Different seasons of life can cause certain flaws to arise in your marriage and in total honesty, in the past our conversations usually turn south more often than not when we discuss our finances. Living on primarily one wage with a growing family the last few years isn’t easy at all in this day and age. But overtime it’s an area that we are now able to discuss with less tension. Mostly because we’ve given it to God, rather than trying to figure it out ourselves.
Whatever ‘flaw’ might have surfaced in your marriage right now, the best thing you can do is acknowledge it together and make a plan to move forward. You’re not going to ace everything together all the time but you need to stay on the same team. We’ve both had to adjust our attitudes and how we discuss this issue. It doesn’t have to become a road block in your communication if you both make some effort to adjust how you approach that topic. Maybe chat with your love tonight about something you both know you’re not doing so good at and think of one way you can improve it this week #growyourlove #realtalk

The night before this moment, I was (yet again) ex

The night before this moment, I was (yet again) expressing to Mark how I feel everyday starts behind the eight ball when you have a 4 year old in your face at 5am already asking for things before you’ve even opened your eyes! Since our eldest has been in his own bed, we’ve had the rule that he must try stay in his room and play until we come get him. He’s allowed to ‘wake up’ when his little clock turns to day mode but gosh since living in QLD and the sun is up before 5, it’s been much harder to keep him to this. I’m definitely a slowww waker and need a minute to myself before Mum mode begins - whilst I’ve tried getting up before them for quiet time, to take a shower or do a workout etc, doing that before 5am here is just not realistic for me everyday. But on this day Mark left for work a bit later so was able to get J a quick mini breaky and explain that Mum was having some alone time, so he then surprised me with this tea, fresh fruit and yoghurt delivered to my bedside. What a treat! Reminded me of when our son was a fresh newborn, Mark would make me a cuppa and leave it in my Frank Green keep cup next to my bed most days before he left for work, so I could do the first early feed with a hot tea and then go back to sleep. These acts of kindness of course don’t happen everyday, but when they do, gosh they mean the world to be seen, heard and supported. Husbands, even if you do something like this once in a blue moon, I can guarantee it’ll make your wife’s day/week/month/year!! Always do the little things to #growyourlove

It seems that way too often in marriage we keep do

It seems that way too often in marriage we keep doing the things that don’t work over and over. We keep repeating the same behaviors and actions and expect the results to change. Today, try focus on what you KNOW works for loving your spouse and then do that. And keep doing it often. If you know they always ask for a back scratch or they light up when you compliment them or they are so grateful when you prepare their work lunch or do the dishes - then keep doing those things. Sometimes we do one nice thing and expect big changes, but consistency is the key. Look carefully at your recent behavior and ask yourself “what have I been doing that I should not be doing? What have I been saying that I should not be saying?”
Maybe you’ve been speaking unkindly, trying to control your spouse, nagging or holding onto bitterness over an offense.
All that you can change is YOU, so try to initiative positive changes today that you can control instead of getting frustrated at areas of your spouse’s behaviour that you dislike. #growyourlove

Home date night. This took all of about 10 mins th

Home date night. This took all of about 10 mins thought and planning. Months ago during our iso when we couldn’t go out, this is what we did one night. Waited till the kids were asleep, I roasted the veg, Mark on the fancy steaks and we whipped out some Christmas lights and draped them over the table. We had planned to get dressed up but then didn’t - either way, with some jazzy tunes on, a glass of red, it felt super romantic and special. The hardest bit was waiting to eat dinner at 7:30pm 😬 #growyourlove

“Differences and disagreements do not need to de

“Differences and disagreements do not need to destroy a marriage. Marriage is not about suppressing our personality. Rather it involves discussing our different points of view, seeking to understand each other and finding ways of combining our wisdom and gifts. When we do this, we discover that the issue that threatened to divide us has drawn us closer together and caused our marriage to move forward. It is rather affirming our belief that God brought us together and there is ALWAYS a way through.” - The Marriage Book. 🖤Our hope and prayer for you all today is that whatever differences you’re experiencing this week, you’re able to graciously find your way through whilst clinging to each other rather than trying to get your own back, get even or retaliate. Let’s start the week strong 👊🏼🙏🏼 #growyourlove