Love Salt Light

Intentionally growing in love.

Intentionally growing in love

Follow us @lovesaltlight

We are like ships in the night. Not only are we ba

We are like ships in the night. Not only are we barely even passing each other but we’re navigating all new waters. Three kids and a new role with a lot more hours and travel time for Mark.

Connecting right now looks like quick kisses and hugs inbetween bedtimes that seem to go on all night, and quiet whispers in the en-suite before bed. It looks like our 9pm teas being delivered to bed while I feed and resettle our littlest late into the evening.
It’s even emailing appointments and important FYIs to each other instead of face to face. It’s broken conversations around dinner, bath bed routines. It’s a stretching season that’s for sure but our posture towards each other hasn’t changed.
Are we both feeling pretty frustrated by the situation? Yes! But we’re still trying to love on each other well.

In classic Mark fashion he had gone and organised a manicure appointment for me one afternoon while my mum is currently visiting. He wasn’t actually trying to keep it a surprise but just never actually told me about it, assuming that when I got the confirmation, I’d put two and two together and go.
However when I did get the confirmation, I just thought it was a mistake and pressed cancel. I didn’t even consider he had done it for me. I actually thought that maybe I’d accidentally made an annual appointment as I’d gone there just once roughly a year before 😂 I’m not a nails gal.
The night before, he had gone to bed early with a migraine so we hadn’t even chatted. My mum just casually mentioned it before I went to bed and then we realised what had happened!
But I couldn’t even tell Mark I’d unknowingly cancelled his surprise since he was asleep, so had to break the news via text so he’d know in the morning, as he leaves long before I wake up.
🤦🏽‍♀️ it’s the thought that counts hey.
(Continued in comments)

If your spouse is skinny, you’re into skinny. If

If your spouse is skinny, you’re into skinny. If they’re curvy, you’re into curvy, if they’re bearded, you’re into beards, if they’re bald, you’re into bald, if they’re tall, you’re into tall.
It’s never sat right with me when people make lists or talk about/ swoon over other people they’re attracted to, could figuratively “get with” if they had the opportunity, and so on.
It’s not because I’m some prude who doesn’t think any one else in the world is attractive, BUT I firstly and wholeheartedly think Mark IS the best looking guy in the world but secondly, I just don’t let my mind go down that track of comparing or lusting... even if it’s just for fun. I feel it’s a small seed which can lead to an array of issues.
I think whether those conversations are in public or private or just internal, either way they’re dangerous seeds.
I’ve consciously never engaged in those discussions to protect my own mind.
I think sometimes people think saying it out loud around their spouse is less harmful because they’re being transparent but you are still communicating to your spouse that there are other people you find MORE attractive or more desirable than them.

I’ve never heard Mark say those types of comments either. Not that he’s never struggled with lust or issues of that sort but I’ve never felt second best in his eyes. No matter how I’ve changed physically over the years, he consistently and regularly compliments my physical features and dampens every self-criticizing thought in my mind.
For women, intimacy is HIGHLY linked to how you feel about yourself. If I’m aware that Mark thinks person a,b,c is more desirable than myself, it’s going to short circuit my ability in some way to feel vulnerable and intimate w him.
By avoiding these conversations and building each other up through regular and specific compliments, you are affirming your spouse’s self esteem. When someone knows they are loved, the inner beauty shines out of them. “Beauty grows in a culture of love.” By the end of today, try to let your husband or wife know a specific part of them that you find attractive and watch their face light up 🌼 #growyourlove

Mark has this way of reading my facial expressions

Mark has this way of reading my facial expressions to a tee -

He always says “you look like you’re thinking this..”

Or he can just tell when my mind is preoccupied with something else.

And when he notices, he always asks. He basically gets it right before I’ve even opened my mouth.
“Tell me three things that are on your mind.”
“Tell me more..” he says.

He gently pushes me to offload my heart and not give an easy “I’m fine” answer.

I love the notion of being a student of our spouse. It’s easy to figure it out in the early days when you’re all starry eyed and then repeat indefinitely but I can assure you, your spouse has changed dramatically since you met them. So are you stopping to take it all in? Are you changing how you respond? Noticing the new subtle habits or ways they express feelings, the body language that needs a response, knowing what they are not saying with their silence?
Just a little reminder to take time to study them again and see what new things you observe. Don’t let yourself get comfortable #growyourlove

Heart racing, internal dialogue telling you it’s

Heart racing, internal dialogue telling you it’s fine and not worth the conversation, deciding the right time to bring it up, pushing it back yet another day, stomach is knots..
These might be some of the feelings and thoughts you experience when you know you need to have a more serious conversation.

Most weeks you’re most likely cruising through each day and your conversations are light and friendly. Occasionally there are times when feelings are hurt, things happen between you or one of you is feeling a certain way, and an honest conversation needs to be had.
How and when you bring it up can make or break the conversation and change the outcome entirely.

Pick a time when you know there’ll be little to no interruptions, when you’ll have a decent chunk of time to unpack the feelings and you can complete the conversation and give it the best chance to end peacefully without somebody needing to go to work, go to bed or leave the house etc.

Something had begun to eat away at me, but I sat on it for over a week to make sure I wasn’t overreacting or not giving him the benefit of the doubt. I prayed about it first, unpacked my own feelings (am I feeling this way because of this? Am I only seeing my side? What else is going on in my world to make me feel more sensitive to this?) After reflecting on just how tiny the thoughts and hurts can be that the enemy uses to break into a marriage, I was reminded that we have a duty to protect our marriage by being proactive, rather than letting small thoughts fester into something bigger.

So as we always do, I started with physical contact, placing a hand on his, so that LOVE is the foremost thing in my mind as I unpack my feelings. (We find that our physical posture is so important when these tricky conversations are had - it can either be a reminder that you’re a team or set the scene for a me-against-you battle). As Danny Silk writes in “Keep Your Love On” always starting with “I messages” is the best way to communicate feelings in clear specific statements. I feel (emotion) when (describe experience) and I need to feel (emotion). Continued...

Things might look a little different to normal but

Things might look a little different to normal but they don’t have to FEEL different.
Keeping the love and connection alive between us while raising our family is paramount.
It’s very one sided right now if I’m honest, and you know what - that’s ok. It doesn’t have to 50-50 in this season to mean something to us both.

A healthy nourishing breakfast delivered the morning after birth, taking the big kids to the markets on the weekends so I can sleep, Uber’ing coffee to the doorstep on the first solo day with the three, leaving fresh pots of coffee every morning (coffee is everything!) daily love notes on the bench, spending late nights cooking wholesome postpartum foods, bringing our 9pm tea time into bed or many hours earlier or later, leaving notes in my phone so after falling asleep on the couch it brings a smile to those long nights of breastfeeding, pretending to leave early for work but really going to get coffee, a hand hold during a mid night feed, squeezing in anniversary celebrations after bedtime, organising identical surprise gifts and even an actual date!!

You can choose to make space and love on your spouse in this beautiful messy space of newborn bliss, it’s not easy and it might look different - BUT different is better than nothing and most of all, it will make all the other hard things easier. #growyourlove

Nine years of us today 💛 surreal to think that

Nine years of us today 💛 surreal to think that our life now looks a lot like all the things we used to dream up together. We have walked through many, many sunny days and the few fiery days inbetween, only to be refined and left without the slightest smell of smoke. We truly are better together and I’m gonna love you forever my babe x (ps- we will be back on here soon, just taking some time out to be fully present with our little fam)

And then there were five ✨ soaking up every inch

And then there were five ✨ soaking up every inch of baby bliss with our newest little angel boy, Kai Levi James Donker. One week old today.

Wanted to share a little story that hopefully will

Wanted to share a little story that hopefully will encourage you in this season...

Christmas is a time we cherish in our household but it does come with significant financial strain. I’m sure like many of you, 2020 has thrown some curveballs at you in all senses and you may be entering this festive period a little (or a lot) more weathered than usual.

This whole year we’ve had to totally surrender our finances to God in a way like never before. When we arrived in Queensland, it took our every last cent to move and get set up here and the year ahead was looking daunting - how would we survive?! Numerous job applications for me and nothing returned and then Covid hit and we didn’t have a choice.
Even when things returned to normal here, every avenue of me finding regular teaching work or anything at all kept back firing. Thankfully my casual side job gave us boosts sporadically over the year, but it got to the point where we had to just accept that maybe it wasn’t the plan for me to work as often as we hoped.
However, throughout the year we have encountered countless blessings, financial and non financial from the most unexpected places and God has made himself clearly known as our provider in EVERY hour of need.
Until recently we found ourselves in a very tight spot again and weren’t sure how we’d make ends meet till the end of the year.
If you’ve ever been in this position you’d know it’s an awful feeling and puts a lot of strain and tension on a marriage and household. It’s a very vulnerable position to be in.
From all we’d encountered this year, we instead didn’t try figure it out in our own strength but got praying immediately, often and BOLDLY as our first point of action. To be honest, we didn’t even do this together but we both did commit to it alone. It’s scary to ask for big things but we know God is bigger than that.
But as sure and quickly as ever, we got a response that can only have His handiwork all over it. We’re fairly sure this doesn’t happen often but our agent emailed to let us know that our Landlord had randomly given us FREE RENT over Christmas!! Literally knocked me off my feet and the tears are still flowing. (Cont. below)

“You can run several agendas in life but you can

“You can run several agendas in life but you cannot run them all at a hundred percent without someone paying a price.” - Rob Parsons. Are you reserving some of your best portions for when you connect with your spouse each day? Or are they getting the worst parts of you when you’re tired and depleted? •
•
This is one you can reflect on individually and then take steps to make small changes. When you prioritize intentional and quality communication, you make space to #growyourlove #turnitoffandtalkitout

A chocolate from the petrol station, a flower from

A chocolate from the petrol station, a flower from the garden, a card from Kmart, a special after dinner treat found on your lunch break, a coffee brought home after a morning run - all little acts of kindness that can be woven into your day without taking any extra time. For someone whose love language is gifts, little treasures like this on a mundane day can be worth their weight in GOLD 🎁 don’t wait for a special occasion, an anniversary, an apology - make any day this week a little bit more memorable for your spouse 🧡 #growyourlove

When we started LSL one thing we were firm on was

When we started LSL one thing we were firm on was that we did not want to just fill up your feed with useless content for the sake of posting or keeping up with any particular pace. We wanted to be authentic but we mostly wanted to be one of the glimmers of content in your feed that would not cause you to feel discontent or rob you of your joy in your own marriage through comparison but be a SEED of light planted in your mind that could give you momentum. We don’t share what we do to show off or to parade our own marriage. We share in the hope that it might just stop you in your tracks for a second and consider YOUR marriage for today.

Just like you, sometimes I want to throw Instagram in the bin. I often delete the app, go off it for days because sometimes you need to step away and take stock of what you are consuming through this medium. Comparison can be such a thief of joy and take our eyes if the prize that is right before us.

We want to share content that helps YOU to feel more CONTENT in YOUR marriage. Our phones are filled with half written drafts and notes and the podcast is actually coming (one day!), and there’s sooo much we want to keep encouraging you with - we just need more hours in the day. But in the meantime, please know even if we don’t post regularly, don’t hesitate to drop us a line if you want to chat, get some prayer or just ask a question. I promise we’ve been there. We’re always here. It can be hard to admit the state of your relationship to people you know so if we can help in any way, we would love to talk.
We have made so many beautiful virtual relationships through this space and had the privilege of supporting many couples in their hour of need even if just through our devices. Don’t hesitate to send a DM or email if you ever feel led to reach out - our passion is for all marriages 💌 #growyourlove

You would be familiar with the saying “preventio

You would be familiar with the saying “prevention is better than cure”. It means that it’s easier to stop something from happening in the first place than to repair the damage after it has happened.
We often link this to our health and we all know that a preventative approach is the best way to avoid illness and disease.

What things are you and your spouse doing daily/ weekly/ monthly to PREVENT any damage from occurring in your marriage?
We never know what’s around the corner in life and what challenges we’ll be faced with but we can be building preventative measures into our marriage before we encounter any difficulties.
I’m sure this year many marriages have been tested with loss of jobs, incomes, community, routines and mental health issues. Some couples would have been pushed to their limits under the pressures of 2020 but hopefully most were forged closer and more united through the unknown. How would you say you travelled this year in your marriage? Were the past things you had in place enough to sustain your love and devotion? Or did you get to the end of your tether and find you really need to reassess and implement new rituals and intention?

For us personally we know our next greatest challenge is going to be adjusting to life with three kids at home next year (sans family!!) and all the beautiful chaos that will bring - so as we approach the final weeks of this pregnancy we’re starting to discuss how we’ll find time for each other and ourselves, our financial state and what routines and rituals will change in our marriage. We can’t predict it all but if we even just start to think and discuss it together, I think there’s a far greater chance of thriving together rather than just assuming we can coast and our marriage will continue to be unaffected in this next stage of life.
The end of the year can be a beautiful (yet often painful) time of reflection, but by doing this you can help spring board yourselves better into the next year. We encourage you to take time this month to chat through your own preventative steps for 2021 #growyourlove