matthew.p.donker@gmail.com

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

CB & SB: One day (I, Crystal) posted a photo on Instagram of a man giving his shoes to an orphan. I typed a few hashtags under the photo, one of them being “#jesus”. Coincidentally, Sammy was in his room in Australia browsing through “Jesus” photos randomly. He clicked the photo and commented “Wow. Powerful.” From there, we started communicating nonstop, we just clicked right away! We fell in love over Skype and 10-hour phone calls within weeks! Four months into talking we finally met in person at the airport in Portland, Oregon, USA. This was the best day of both of our lives (finally being able to touch and hug and BE WITH the person we loved so much!) A year later, we married. We are coming up on our 5 year anniversary…and it all started with #jesus…

 

2. YOU GUYS HAD A CRAZY BEGINNING TO YOUR LOVE STORY – HOW DID YOU MAKE THINGS WORK AND BUILD A SOLID FOUNDATION WHEN YOU WERE DOING LONG DISTANCE?

CB: The timeline is as follows: January 2012-June 2012 we talked on the phone and Skyped as much as possible as we got to know each other. In June, Sam visited and met me in USA for 3 weeks! After he left, I immediately booked flights to AUS. Four months passed long distance (AND IT WAS PAINFUL) and in Dec 2012 I left for Australia for 2 months…which turned into three months since we couldn’t stand the thought of leaving each other! He proposed in January 2013, I left back home late February 2013.
 We filed all the papers (what an actual headache!) to get him a USA “fiancé” visa and it took EIGHT MONTHS to process…the slowest time of our life. It was a waiting game.
In June 2013 (it had been four months since I’d seen Sam), I went back to AUS to visit for three weeks, not knowing when the visa would be processed or when I would see him next.
Late September 2013, Sam’s visa got approved! We booked his tickets and he arrived with two suitcases (and nothing else to his name) on October 1st, 2013. We spent that week catching up, celebrating with family, and planning a wedding.
Our friends and family got only a few weeks notice and on October 26th, 2013, we were married! The long distance, the wait, the distance, was FINALLY over!

We got to know each other quickly and were able to work through issues faster since verbal communication was all we had, no in-person distractions, etc. We both made a huge effort to be active in our own lives as well and live in the moment. When we started to miss each other too much, or wish we were with the other, we tried to repurpose ourselves to appreciate and live in the moment with those around us at the time. 

 

 

3. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE

CB: By working on myself. I take my negative qualities seriously and commit them to the Lord in prayer. If there’s no hard work involved, there will be no growth. I don’t want to be stagnant in my personal life, let alone my marriage! People get scared of change (especially in marriage)…but I say, bring it on! NO WAY I want to be the same woman I am now, five years from now. There’s too much potential to just roll over!

SB: Learning to sacrifice is what makes me love Crystal more. Taking my responsibility of a husband (and one day a Father) seriously. Jesus commands me to love her gently, and wash her with the word. This means that I have to be walking diligently in His truth. I need to constantly be relying on the strength from the Holy Spirit instead of defaulting to my desire to be self-dependent.

4. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

CB: In the Summer, we’ll take our cute/humble little boat to a number of lakes. We’ll pack sushi and healthy snacks and picnic on the boat while listening to Fleet Foxes and fishing for dinner. I always catch the biggest fish….

SB: We recently took a day trip and hiked into the Sky Lakes Wilderness. We ate a picnic lunch (and brewed coffee with filtered lake water) by the edge of our own private lake, brought a fishing pole and caught brook trout, and went swimming in our underwear, then hiked back in and drove home. On the way home we picked up sushi then ate it in bed while watching Dr. Phil.

5. SHARE ONE KEY TIP YOU GUYS FIND USEFUL WHEN RESOLVING CONFLICTS THAT ARISE

CB:  Sam and I are very passionate people, so we’ve had our fair share of conflicts. They used to be more explosive when we didn’t know how to deal with them. Now, I try and focus on not letting my emotions getting involved…not letting the words that are said hurt me, and not getting frustrated if I feel misinterpreted. Something that also helps us is some space if things are getting out of hand. As long as we let the other know something like, “I need to go for a drive, I’ll be back in an hour, I love you.” Then the other isn’t left at home confused or worried, and they know when the other will be home, and that they still love them. That has helped us calm down heaps. During that time, I usually can reason with my emotions, and Sam calms down and usually gets encouragement from our Pastor Pete.

6. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

CB: Humility.  Swallowing my pride, over and over and over and over. (There is no limit!) 

SB: Consistently read your bible and take the humble road, EVERY time.

 

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

TV & KV: We met at a mutual friend’s 21st birthday party, it was kind of a set up. Travis, always the gentleman, asked for Kristy’s phone number just before wanting to leave – Kristy obliged with her phone number and a cheeky pash. Over the course of the next three months Travis persisted with tins of Milo (Kristy’s weakness) and cute dates in his Volkswagon Beetle. Kristy was eventually swayed and they become official not too long after. After a year or so, Travis decided he wanted to go traveling alone. Kristy wasn’t fond of this idea and proceeded to make his entire year of saving for the trip a living hell. Trav eventually buckled and we made the decision to travel together, spending close to a year working and partying from Canada to Panama. After returning from that trip with our relationship better than ever, we both knew at that point it was a ‘forever’ deal (although it took a good few years to gather “Kristy taste in ring” kind of money) before the proposal. We got hitched in the Yarra Valley, a giant love party with our closest friends and family. Kristy is hanging to renew our vows so she can do it all again. Travis is a traditionalist when it comes to these things and thinks we should only marry once.

 

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

TV: Time is pretty sparse as I have to travel a fair bit, so when I’m home I make decent coffee regularly and on demand, meals of a higher caliber than Kristy is accustomed and generally try to pull my weight to lighten her load. If I am not around to enjoy the morning coffee, I will prep what I can and leave a little note to Kris for the day.

KV: To be honest, since the birth of our second son in January and with Travis now working away for most of the week it does make it a bit more tricky to prioritise our love. Roo has just gone seven months and we have finally started to find our feet in our marriage a little more again. Some small things I have done lately to help intentionally grow our love is:

When Travis has the boys by himself (recently I had my first girls night in a very long time!), I hid handwritten letters of encouragement hidden in places I know he will be with the boys.

Another thing I have done this week (I wasn’t going to mention this, but what the heck) is:

Travis normally takes the boys to his parent’s place (around the corner) every Saturday morning for a couple of hours so that I can get some work done on my business alone. This week however, while Trav was at his parent’s with Banj and Roo I sent him a sneaky text, it read ‘Hey babe, I think you forgot a bottle for Roo, or some other excuse and you need to come back here for 10mins… and maybe we can, you know, spend some quality time *insert winkyface.* So that’s what Trav did, he told his Dad he forgot Banjo’s favourite snacks, left the kids with him and darted home to me for 15 mins.

I wasn’t sure I should mention this but it really did add a good amount of excitement into our day and weekend, and it has pushed me to do cheeky things like that a little more often for Trav!

The other important one to mention is that I have recently also organised with my Mum to have the boys for us every Friday for a couple of hours (between feeds), so that we can spend one on one time together. Sometimes we use this time to smash some delicious brunch and talk about nothing important, sometimes we redo the budget and sometimes we go for a hike. It’s just important, good quality time that sets us up for the coming week apart.

 

 

3. YOU GUYS HAVE RECENTLY DONE THE BIG MOVE FROM SYDNEY TO MELBOURNE, YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY BUSINESS IS TAKING OFF, AND YOU ADDED BEAUTIFUL ROO TO YOUR CLAN JUST MONTHS AGO; HOW DO YOU GUYS MAINTAIN BALANCE BETWEEN BEING HUSBAND/WIFE AMONGST ALL OF THESE AMAZING THINGS?

TV & KV: If we are real here, balance has been pretty non-existent. In saying that, it has been one of the best years of our lives. We moved from Sydney to Melbourne this time last year, Banjo had just turned one and I was nine weeks pregnant with Roo. Before Roo was born people started to book me for Birth and Family Photography, which really ignited my drive to start up my business. I always knew I wanted to start a photography business when we got home (but probably not until Roo was one), but as the ball started rolling a little earlier than anticipated I wanted to make sure I caught the ride of referrals, so decided to get a crack-on with organising it all. Roo came along at the end of January and since around March I have been working hard on getting the business set up and more importantly we have all been adjusting to life as a family of four – and life has never been better, but it has been a big adjustment for sure!

More recently, we feel like we are again starting to regain some sort of control of our own lives. We are creating time for us and have starting to put our marriage back to the forefront. We have created specific times each week for all of the certain tasks that need to be done. Monday-Thursday is my time with the boys and they are my 100% focus. This is when Travis focusses heavily on work, it’s a hard sacrifice for him to be away so he works long days to make it worthwhile. This is also when he can exercise or do things just for him, he then returns home late Thursday night and we get some time alone together each Friday. Saturday morning I get a few hours by myself to work on the business and Sunday is family day. If Travis wants to play golf or catch up with a mate down here (which of course he does need that sometimes!) we try to slot it in on a Sunday morning, We have lots of time together as a family between these moments, but these moments have been created to help us have ‘quality’ time each week, not just ‘getting by’ time.

Before we created this schedule I found myself trying to do everything during the week, then feeling like I was failing at everything because I couldn’t give any one task my entire focus! The boys wouldn’t have my full attention because I would be trying to work (and oh man, did that kill me) the house would start to get messy and that also killed me. To then not being able to concentrate properly to get my business going as quickly as I wanted (because dah, you have two small children who need you) led me to feel frustrated and deflated for poor Trav when he would come home.

So for us, a little flexible schedule has helped balance all things life immensely.

 

4. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

TV: Kristy and I used to have a killer date night routine (pre babies and pre pretty much all responsibility). Every Thursday night we would go to a fave restaurant, order a bottle of Pino and just hang. Good times. We knew at the time that that wouldn’t last forever so we really soaked it up. Now with the boys around, dinner dates are on hiatus. Fridays are date day/ date hour or two if we can. We fit in what time will allow, but it is always best if we can get a little hike in and good coffee. If you can catch a theme, coffee is a priority around here.

KV: With two little boys, day time dates are certainly our thing now. Both Travis and I love to exercise, so my favourite dates with Trav are in the fresh air on a hike or at the beach. Recently, on one of our Friday dates, we drove to Mt Cannibal, hiked, chatted (held hands OMG!) and then stopped at Little Miss Hangry, a lovely little breakfast joint in Garfield, on our way back home. These are my favourite dates. Fresh air, exercise, coffee and sunshine. These little things are a little bit harder to access everyday at the moment but I know i can always count on Friday to grab some of them and bring ‘us’ back to us.

 

5. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

TV: A few years ago, a family member shared with us their advice for a successful long term relationship that really stuck with us. That was to put each other first, because when the kids have grown up and moved out, you’ll be left alone with the person you started out with. As new parents, I wouldn’t say that we’ve stuck to that to the letter, but I’d say it has moulded some of our decisions.

Working away for most of the week means that Kristy has to carry the load of the family, day and night, on her own, all the while building her business and making sure the house doesn’t burn to the ground – I don’t know how she does it. Being conscious of each others positions, appreciating each other and spending as much time together (with wine) seems to be a pretty good recipe.

KV: Not that we are experts by any means… but so far, I think the most important aspect that I have learnt to remember in our marriage is that coffee, wine and tequila are life.

OK, honestly I’ve learnt that it’s not always going to be Easy Street and you won’t always feel ‘loved up’. There will be moments where you need to put real, honest effort in to help your love grow together, as you both grow as individuals. There are be peaks, WONDERFUL high peaks but also troughs. The troughs mightn’t be anything obvious, but if you let them go unaddressed they slowly erode, wearing away and straining at your relationship.

We need to work together through the troughs to climb to the peaks again. Having children has taught me that I, personally, need to really nurture and put conscious, constant effort into my relationship with Travis as the quality time together doesn’t come as easily as it did before Banjo and Roo. I’m so grateful to have such a wonderful, loving, supporting husband in Travis, who backs me a million times over, every day of the week. He is the backbone in our family and I never thought it would be possible to love him more now than I did on our wedding day – but I truly do.

 

Welcome to Part 1 of our series on dating. Every relationship begins with the fun, exciting and loved up dating season before they walk down the aisle and it’s often the biggest learning rollercoaster as you discover how compatible you are for marriage. We’ve interviewed a range of quality couples who are currently in this stage of life and asked them to share their insights as they prepare to say “I do!”

How do you make communication and spending quality time together a priority given you don’t live together yet?

Communication and spending quality time together has been something we have had to be very intentional about. I think from the beginning we have always communicated pretty well but never communicated well about time. My hours as a physio are all over the place and I do a lot of nights/Saturday work and Shiv has a very busy role as well, to make things a little trickier for the first 15 months of dating we only had 2 half days off together so communicating about spending quality time together was a necessity.

Thankfully it only took a few weeks of dating before we realised that we needed a joint calendar, not to keep track of each other, but to make sure that we were prioritising time together, with our families and friends. This is a habit that we have found extremely beneficial and aim to continue this well into the sunset.

We still sometimes get the balance wrong so it is definitely a work in progress but we definitely find value in always communicating and trying to plan ahead (where possible). Someone once told us that if we don’t create habits with spending time together and say no to things in order to prioritise each other, then our workplaces, friendships, families and hobbies will dominate the landscape. We are still learning that it’s okay to say ‘no’ or ‘can we reschedule’ to people without feeling guilty.

Have you found any resources to be particularly helpful while navigating the dating/engaged stage together?

We established quite early in our relationship a bunch of core principles that we wanted to emphasize and uphold in our relationship. We made these values from learning from past relationships, resource we read, mentors we had and discussing together the kind of future relationship we wanted to have and then worked backwards.

For example, our values are:

Hope. We will hope for the best.

Listen. We will listen more, talk less.

Empathy. We will think of the other person more than ourselves

Initiative. What can I (not the other person) do to help the situation?

Teamwork. We will think win/win not win/lose or lose/win

Forgiveness. We will forgive quickly.

We would highly encourage couples to develop their own set of values based on their own strengths and weaknesses and talking about the kind of relationship they want to have in the future.

Personally, I’ve always believed that dating and the engaged season occurs well before they ever begin, in our seasons of singleness it provided an extremely unique time to prepare and grow in anticipation of each other.

In those years of singleness we found these books really helpful.

• Gary Chapman – The 5 love languages
• John Gottman – The 7 principles for making marriage work
• John Eldredge – Wild at heart
• Stasi Eldredge – Captivated
• Tim Keller – The meaning of marriage
• Emerson Eggerichs – Love and respect
• Jamie Oliver’s – 30 minute meals (Shivs recommendation)

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What has been the most difficult part of your dating/engagement season?

Surprisingly I’d say that the few weeks before our engagement was probably an unexpectedly difficult season. The Christian scene has quite a high expectation on a ‘quick dating season’ and a sense that ‘when you know you know’. We had lots and lots of people asking about our next stage, and I felt that it often came from a place of ‘small talk’ or ‘inquisitiveness’ rather than an emotionally intelligent and supportive standpoint. This created a lot of unneeded and unnecessary pressure, expectations and discussions. It is also an area that females often have no awareness or input and therefore makes it difficult for either person to answer such a question when asked in a public forum. We’ve found that this isn’t an uncommon occurrence for many other couples.

Having said that, March 17th 2018 was the highlight of the year for us, and one we can’t wait to recall that to our children in the coming years!

What might be one intentional habit you’re hoping to begin together once you are married to keep growing your love?

There are lots of things we are excited about and look forward to about marriage.

We cannot wait to start overnight trips!! The idea of being able to escape for the weekend or the night is something that has kept us eager to add webjet.com to our Google Chrome bookmarks. Snow trips, Europe, frequent flyer points!!

The idea of booking in date days (once a fortnight minimum) and exploring, discovering and learning together, as much as possible, is something that we anticipate will continue to grow our relationship even further!

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1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

JD & SD: We first met in early highschool when our families took a joint holiday. We barely spoke the whole trip (Steph: He was too good looking for me to think he would even notice me!) but somehow Josiah’s older siblings knew we were meant to be and teased him about it all weekend! We became close in Year 10 when we played the love interests in our drama class production. As the curtain fell on our final show we looked at each other and knew that we had found the person we were meant to be with. We got engaged in 2015 and married a year later in the Dandenong Ranges surrounded by friends and family. We are also expecting our first baby at the end of this year!

 

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

JD: As one of Steph’s more dominant love languages is words of affirmation I always make sure that I am speaking positive and encouraging words over her, affirming her as the amazing, beautiful woman she is and continually becoming.

SD: We started reading marriage resource books at the start of this year. Although we feel like our marriage is a healthy one, we know that we must continually nourish and invest in our marriage for it to stay that way. Two of the best books we have read thus far have be en “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married” by Gary Chapman and “Bulletproof Your Marriage” by Margaret McCracken. We are doing our best to equip ourselves early in our marriage with respect, support and intentional love for the other person to see us through the highs and the lows of the marriage journey.

 

3. YOU GUYS HAVE HAD A BIG SECOND YEAR OF MARRIAGE WITH BOTH STARTING YOUR CAREERS, MOVING HOUSE AND NOW EXPECTING YOUR FIRST BABY (WOO!) – HOW HAVE YOU MANAGED AND LEARNED TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER THROUGH ALL THIS BIG TRANSITIONS?

JD & SD: We approached these new transitions in the same way we have faced every new and exciting season in our relationship – with teamwork! We have been each other’s biggest support and been willing to go above and beyond to meet each other’s needs.

Although many people have been surprised by our decision to start a family at this stage in our lives (Steph is 22 and Siah is 23 and we have both started new careers this year), our pregnancy has brought a huge amount of blessing, gratitude and positive change in our lives. We have found ourselves with new direction and clarity in many areas of our lives as a result of starting a family. For example, it was the catalyst for Siah seeking a change in career from personal training to landscaping in order to better provide for our growing family and align our work schedules to allow us to spend more time together and eventually have more time to spend with our son.

Despite being a qualified midwife, I (Steph) have struggled with a bit of anxiety around being pregnant as we had some early complications. This is the downside of knowing too much sometimes! Siah has been my biggest voice of calm, encouragement and reason throughout it all. His unwavering love for me has made me have courage and confidence in myself as I am changing, both physically and mentally, to prepare to be a mother. We both feel that this baby was given to us at the perfect time and we are so excited to meet our little boy!

 

4. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

JD & SD: To be honest, we don’t actually go on regular dates. As Steph is a shift worker, we are not able to commit to a regular date night. Instead, we tend to make the most of whatever time we are lucky enough to share, whether that be watching Survivor or The Bachelor together, grocery shopping and cooking together, going for walks or bike rides or catching an Italian feast at our local Sofia’s restaurant. As an added bonus of not spending money on traditional regular dates, we tend to save up that money for bigger trips like going camping or going to the snow.

 

5. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

JD: My best piece of advice would be to never stop learning about your spouse. You should constantly be learning more and more about them everyday and this will help you to know and understand your spouse better. The better you understand them the better you will be able to love them in the way they need to be loved.

SD: Come to the marriage with a servant heart. If you and your spouse each seek the other’s needs above your own, the marriage becomes a beautiful testimony to the power of teamwork and each person will feel valued and fulfilled.

 

For better, for worse
For richer, for poorer
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish
Til death do us part

My husband and I said these vows over four years ago now. What a beautiful day it was! What exhilaration and bliss we felt! Reflecting on these hefty statements now, I can see how each of these promises has been tested over the course of those short few years.

We live in a world that exhibits little honour for promises and covenants. You can break your way out of a phone contract or a gym membership. You can turn your back on friends whom you swore you’d always be there for. And let’s face it, you can even divorce yourself from the spouse whom you vowed to commit to ‘til death do you part.’

Today, the average length of a marriage in Australia is 12 years. Just 12 years?! We make such hefty promises and yet we have the option in Australia today to opt out when we’ve had enough. These promises we make are a beautiful idea, but tough to keep when the rubber hits the road. Where are we going wrong? What do these promises even mean?

“For better, for worse”

It’s no surprise that life comes with its challenges. And even in the peaks of young love, it doesn’t take long for your once dreamy “can-do-no-wrong” partner to let you down in some way. No human being is perfect, so in marriage we can (and should) expect conflict. Like, real conflict. Like, “Can we survive this?” conflict.

I don’t think I fully understood what these words meant when I promised them to my husband, James. I made the statement, “I take you to be my husband, for better, for worse..” This means what it says! I take you to be my husband if things get better and when things get worse.

When our circumstances suck, I’ll be here.

When we’re successful and things are smooth sailing, I’ll be here.

When the ground beneath us falls, I’ll be here.

When life is everything you want it to be, I’ll be here.

These promises recognise that we can’t always live in the bliss of our wedding day. Life rolls on and sometimes things are awesome, but sometimes they suck hardcore. These vows prepare us to recognise that marriage is made to last for every season.

Whilst the circumstances of our lives eb and flow, we make a commitment to our spouse that we will love them regardless. Whilst there is a temptation to only love them in seasons where it’s easy, this promise prepares us to commit to our spouse in every season of life, which includes every circumstance and personal struggle.

Marriage is the crucible that refines us. We believe it is one of God’s designs to make us more like his son, Jesus, and bring about fruits in us that glorify him. It is possible for two flawed people to keep these promises because God gives us grace to change and love one another.

Marriage is a mirror that reflects all of our insecurities, flaws and failure.

“For richer, for poorer”

I’m married to a pastor. Safe to say I didn’t enter this marriage for the money! On the flip side, I work as a psychologist, so together we always felt that we could make things work financially.

Seasons change, as we expect them to, and sometimes the stability of a solid income just isn’t there. Perhaps, like it did for us, sickness hits out of nowhere which means you’re relying on one income. Or maybe one of you loses their job or becomes redundant. How does love work in seasons like this?

Sub-consciously some of us vow that we will love and cherish the other so long as they can provide stability, a life of comfort, and heck, even luxury. Or maybe toning it back a bit we just want to feel like our spouse is capable and reliable, and when work and money isn’t coming in we start to question this.

Vowing to love “for richer, for poorer” challenges us to see love as something that supersedes temporary material things. It also challenges us to see and love our spouse not just for what they do for us and provide for us, but for who they are underneath. Character is always more important than competency, and seasons like this will reveal what we really value: monetary stability, or relational stability.

“In sickness and in health”

Oh boy, this has been the tough one for us. Sometimes knowingly, and other times by surprise. My husband, James, was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at the age of 14. This illness robbed him of the majority of his teenage years, and shaped his character way before I met him at age 20. When we were dating, I was aware of James’ illness but never got to see all that it meant for him until were married and living together.

It’s been said that people with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome get about 20-30% of the restful, restorative sleep that those in the general population do. I knew this, but didn’t see it in it’s fullest effect in James until we married. This meant that during the early stages of our marriage I was still learning so much about James, and consequentially, his needs.

Couple this with chronic gut problems, and marriage suddenly looks more like tucking James into bed and cleaning up vomit in the shower than going out on romantic dates. It looks more like staying home and not going to friend’s parties or weddings because that’s what love does.

In our fourth year of marriage, love looked like James standing alongside me as I went through six months of moderate chemotherapy for Lymphoma. For the first three years of our marriage, James was always the sick one in our household. I had become used to being his carer, and so discovering that I had an aggressive, cancerous tumour flipped this pattern on its head.

Thankfully, he was in a healthy place during this season, and he showed me what sacrificial love looked like. On reflection, I had to learn to receive without being able to give anything back. This was a different, but significant season for our marriage.

This season has shaped us, grown us and provided us with a clear opportunity to live out these vows. This is what marriage means. Staying when it’s easier to leave. Enduring when it’s easier to give up. Forgiving when it’s easier to hold grudges. Sacrificing when it’s easier to serve oneself.

We have a God who shows us what covenant looks like. Despite our rebellion, sinfulness and destructive habits, God shows us his covenantal promises in his son, Jesus Christ. He loved us when we were far from him, hating him. He laid down his life for us whilst we had nothing to clean ourselves up with. He shows us what unconditional love looks like, loving without conditions. He shows us how to love sacrificially when our spouse is “covered in vomit”, covered in anger or covered in selfishness, in all seasons.

“Til death do us part”

I’ve been to a few weddings lately whereby the celebrant has allowed the couple to write their own vows. Instead of vowing to love “til death do us part”, this vow has been subtly reconfigured to suit our selfish needs. Today, the time frame we put on these promises to love is commonly stated, “as long as love endures.”

This doesn’t surprise me, but reflects how we often approach marriage and relationships. The world says, “Don’t be with anyone that makes you unhappy.” If that were the case, James and I would’ve been out after the first day! In vowing to love “til death do us part”, we are promising to live in covenant for life, not for a season, not for the first 12 years, but until we are separated by death itself.

This doesn’t mean that there aren’t seasons whereby things are extremely difficult, of course there are. However, that’s what the other vows are there for! There are no outs. Divorce isn’t an option, or a plan B. We are committed to this relationship and we will stick it out til the end. If I vowed to commit to James “as long as love endures”, what does that even mean? How do we know when love is over? Our feelings? The season we’re in? The consequences of this are huge.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer summarised it like this, “It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.” Having a firm foundation of covenantal promises with no plan B, means that in seasons of great joy and great sorrow, in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, we’re not going anywhere. Our commitment sustains our love, not the other way around.

Written by Sarah Young

If you’d like to read more of Sarah and Jimmy’s journey – check out their blog Stirring Our Affections and article
http://stirringouraffections.com/there-is-no-greater-aim/

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1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

GD: I first met Shaun when I was working in hospitality through Uni. He was at a friend’s going away party at the venue I was waitressing at and I immediately noticed him in the crowd! He was so nice to talk to me ALOT throughout the evening and we found that we had lots in common in our love for health and fitness and also teaching. We added each other on facebook, but nothing evolved from that night because even though Shaun was lovely I was so busy with Uni and work that I wasn’t looking for a relationship. But then 18 months later I reached out to Shaun in a message! I had never forgotten about this boy at the bar, and I was prompted by a photo that appeared on my facebook feed. I asked him if he remembered me and if he wanted to catch up for coffee. He said “how I could I forget you!”. We actually ended up meeting for sushi. And within two weeks we were dating, and within 8 months he had proposed!

SD: Georgie and I met at a bar that she was working at. I was there for a friends going away party and she was working on the door. There was something about Georgie that drew me to her and I knew I had to talk to her. We spent a few hours chatting, even though she had a job to do and I was there for a friends party. Unfortunately Georgie had a boyfriend so we exchanged facebook details (which was the thing to do at the time) and went our separate ways. About 6 months later she messaged me asking if I remembered her and wondering if I would like to meet up for a coffee.

We met up in the city, had sushi, helped her find some boots she had been wanting to buy, then dropped her at a friends gathering. I knew as soon as she got out of my car at the end of our date that I wanted to marry her.

About a year later I proposed to her in which I basically re-enacted our very first date. I’d love to sav how romantic the proposal was and that Georgie didn’t see it coming. we did things a little unconventional… We had already booked the wedding venue, had Georgie’s ring made, and decided that our Safari holiday in Africa we had booked months prior, would now become our honeymoon. So as you can probably judge by all of this, Georgie knew the proposal was imminent!!

 

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

GD: Shaun and I always plan activities on the weekends to do with each other. It helps that we are both interested in the same things, we love to be outdoors and in nature. Usually a Saturday afternoon is our time to go for a walk, a swim, to the beach or find a new beer garden (Shaun loves boutique craft beer breweries). Sometimes I will want to go visit and Art Gallery or Shaun will want to watch Melbourne at the MCG – neither of which really interest the other person. But we go together anyway! I’m now finding more appreciation for football and rugby! Shaun and I both LOVE healthy food. Who ever is home from work first puts on the dinner while the other makes our lunches for the next day.

SD: Georgie and I are very intentional with the time we spend together. Every weekend we make it a priority to try a new activity together and experience something that neither of us ever tried before. We also try to make sure we continue to do the fundamentals, such as having dinner together every night with the TV turned off to talk about our day and connect.

 

3. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

GD: Our favourite go to date for the evening is going to Hunky Dory and getting the Salmon Pack with sweet potato fries (they’re amazing!) at Eastland. It’s so quick, easy and affordable with a great roof top bar next door at the Cellar – which is good in summer. During the day time our perfect date is definitely going for a walk on some of the track in Olinda. We will usually come home after gym on a Saturday, have our lunch then head off up the mountain. Recently it’s been a bit tricky because I’ve had an injury in my foot. So instead we have been going swimming in the outdoor pool.

SD: Georgie loves the Rhododendron gardens in Olinda and to be honest I’ve grown pretty fond of it too!! We’ll often go there for a walk in the afternoon and have a picnic. We’ll then go to one of our favourite places for dinner- Hunky Dory, followed by a drink to finish the evening at the Cellar Door.

 

4. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

GD: The best piece of advice I have learnt in marriage is the importance of learning each persons communication styles. For us Shaun is very articulate and aware of how he feels, he will like to talk about things straight away. For me I need more time and find writing my thoughts down first or being prompted with questions is more helpful! Knowing these things has made any uneasiness around communication much simpler and understanding. We also both know the necessity and clarity that comes from prayer, especially when we are making big decisions about where to build our home, moving jobs or starting a family. Shaun will often tell me what he is praying for. I was also told at our wedding to ‘never go to bed on an argument’. I dont’ agree with this anymore. I think if you’re tired, and emotional the best thing to do is get a good night’s sleep and sort it out in the morning!

SD: It sounds cliche’ but open communication is first and foremost how we manage to get through ups and downs. I think we’re both very good at being vulnerable and being able to lean on one another for support. Marriages aren’t always 50/50, one partner might be going through some things and the marriage will naturally revolve around that for a while. I think we’re both pretty good at recognising this and are able to love and support the other during times of need. Our faith and values of kindness, compassion, empathy and generosity toward not only each other, but friends and family, also help keep our marriage strong.
And of course, having a supportive network of friends and family is vital.

 

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

JW: When I first met Michael in high school I turned to my friend and said “he is the funniest person I’d ever met.” That was the first and last conversation we had until 3 years later. We had been going to the same church the whole time but weren’t in the same social circles (he was in the age group below so I thought I was way more spiritually mature). That all changed when my best friend started dating his big bro. He had just gone through a pretty bad break up and one night after church we were all grabbing dinner, he was super depressed and I felt a gentle whisper say “Bring comfort and joy.” Over the next 6 months that what I did.

I still saw him as younger and me as more mature until we went on a short term mission. On the first night something went wrong in the team I was leading and I just broke. I felt so attacked and like I didn’t have what it took to trust in God to lead my team. It wasn’t until we were engaged that Michael told me he felt the same quiet whisper tell him to “protect” in that exact moment. Over the week we spent heaps of time together going to leader meetings and debriefing our days. He listened while I rambled and made me laugh when it was all a bit much. Once the week was over we just naturally kept the relationship going. A month later we were dating – 18 months later we were engaged. Five months later we were married. Three years later we are still listening and laughing our way through life. All because we listened to the quiet whisper.

MW: Jess and I both knew of each other in high school and went to the same church together. When my older brother began dating Jess’ best friend, we started hanging out a lot more. I liked (and still do!) Jess’ carefree attitude, the way she cared for others often more than herself and the way her faith was humbly ingrained with her character. I remember I’d offered to drive her two and a half hours down the coast for a missions trip we were going on and was terrified that we’d run out of things to talk about after a short time. The drive ended up flying by and was over before I even knew it. Two and a half hours drive wasn’t enough. I was hooked!

 

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

JW: Michael is amazing at loving me, me – not so much. Maybe he is just less needy. One simple way that we grow our love is just to ask “How can I love you today?” Usually my answer will include coffee and a run and Michael’s will include coffee and some time spent on his music. The results of asking this simple question means there are no unspoken expectations, I feel loved and Michael feels respected. What more can one want?!

MW: I proof read Jess’ assignments. I don’t understand the huge theological concepts or the nuances of the Hebrew language, but I’ll be damned if her work is going to have misplaced commas. Also, I make Jess a tea whenever she is stressed. Usually before she knows that she needs one!
Ps. Jess also encourages me to sleep after night shift, even though she just wants to debrief her night. After 14 hours of work, this is a huge blessing!

 

3. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

JW: With Michael a shift worker and me a casual teacher, we often get a lot of days together which are filled with ‘dates’ to our local cafe or to check out a new one on my list. For us, dates are just small deposits of time to show we care. In saying that, we also love a good bargain. So you might find one of us scouring the internet for last minute cheap hotel deals, even if it ends up being a hotel 10 minutes away. There is something special, and very romantic, about staying in a hotel. There is one literally on our street that I want to stay in but that feels a little bit silly.. but if the right deal came along I’d book it in a heart beat.

MW: For us, dates aren’t about forcing a hugely romantic experience, but just making memories, no matter how ridiculous. Sometimes, a date will consist of going to Woolworths, buying a block of chocolate, going home, eating the whole lot in one sitting, then getting upset at ourselves for eating the whole lot in one sitting. Other times, we’ll drink gin and tonic, while cheering on the doctors in the TV show ER as they save lives in the most dramatic way possible.
We’ve gone to Kmart, given each other $8 and 10 minutes to buy a gift for the other person. Dumplings is a hot favourite. Followed by the realisation that we can’t use chopsticks to save our lives and deciding to sheepishly use forks instead.

 

4. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

JW: The most challenging, encouraging and mind-blowing advice we got before we tied the knot, was “Remember that the things that first attracted you to your partner, are the things that will probably annoy you the most.” This has proven to be true in our marriage so far. I was first attracted to Michael because he was SOOOO different to me and these differences have brought our biggest misunderstandings. We are opposites in everything but instead of letting them cause tension and stress in our relationship, we remember to celebrate that they are what brought us together.
We also listen to a lot of Andy Stanley sermons on marriage. His stuff is golden! He currently is halfway through a new series out called “What Happy Couples Know” which I couldn’t recommend enough. I’ve listened to it 3 times already.

MW: – Sometimes we fake ballroom dancing in the living room, even though there’s no music and neither of us know how to dance.
– We’ll blot out quality time to get a coffee and debrief on each other’s weeks!
– When we start to argue, we usually both start cleaning different areas of the house. Pretty soon the house is clean and we can’t stay mad because we’ve both been serving each other.
– I know this isn’t for everyone, but each and every night we spoon each other to sleep. Have every night since we got married (except for night shifts of course!)
– We’re just best friends who celebrate each other’s little victories and try to remember that we’re on the same team when challenges arise. It’s us verses the problem, not us verses each other.
– We reckon long lasting love is a series of small, daily decisions to choose the other person in each situation.
– Finally, shower together. Who’d want to pass up that opportunity?

 

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

KM: Jared and I met 3 years through a mutual friend who had organised a hangout at a bar in town. Jared was living on the Central Coast at the time and drove through a crazy storm to get there, and I’m so glad he did! After a few weeks of awkwardly thinking he was actually dating my friend (yes, I’m not good on the social cues) and another few staged group hangouts he called me to ask me out on a date. We went for breakfast, which continued into lunch, which continued into forever. After just a few months of dating we knew this was it. Through some funny circumstances, Jared ended up having to tell me when he was going to propose. We went to my families property out west which is my favourite place in the whole world and hosted ‘my spot’. It was on top of that hill, after 9 months together, that Jared asked me to marry him. Six months later we eloped with our closest family and friends in Queenstown NZ. Just the rolling hills, ice capped mountains and us.

JM: When I met Keira at a bar in the middle of April 2015, I was immediately head over heels but getting that first date wasn’t easy! With the help of some mutual friends and a failed attempt or two I eventally got Keira’s number and called her immediately to ask her on a date. I remember after Keira said yes I ran back inside to my housemates jumping up and down because I was so excited! Our first few dates were actually perfect, we went out for breakfast and a walk along the ocean, then it was Keira’s birthday so I bought her some flowers and met her friends that night. We went out for dinner the next weekend and talked non-stop afterwards, Less than 2 months later after a close friends birthday dinner, during which Keira had met all of my friends, I told her I had fallen in-love. I proposed to Keira 7 months later at her family’s property on a hill with nobody for miles, with an engagement ring I designed myself; though, she didn’t see it for several minutes through all the tears. It was only right that we did the same for our wedding. Mountain-top in Queenstown; just us two.

 

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

KM: One of the things we wanted to do really well throughout our marriage is to find love, fun and meaning in the medial tasks of life, and Jared is so good at it! Even while grocery shopping, driving, cleaning and cooking Jared finds ways to make it special for me. He holds my hand in the car, comes in to kiss me in the shower, puts on fun music that I love while we clean or drive, comes home with comfort food when I’ve had a bad day, sends me pictures of cute kittens and always lets me cuddle his arm at night. The effort that Jared makes to ensure evey moment of our marrige special makes my heart dance.

JM: Keira and I aways call each other on the way home from work as we both have long commutes. We chat about our days and check how the other is going. If I’ve had a rough day, Keira will make sure there is either an amazing bottle of red or a ‘shower beer’ waiting for me when I get home. She will usually sit in the bathroom while I shower and let me debreif the day. I love these small gestures of selflessness and support we have in our relationship. Together, they grow our love.

 

3. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

KM: One of my favourite dates we have had in a long time was after I got home from a girls weekend about a month ago. We went to a great dimly lit restaurant and drank wine, put our phones away and caught up on the last few days while sitting side by side at the bar. It was so simple yet the intimacy and connection was exactly what I needed. I think that it is really important to listen to what it is that you and your partner need. Sometimes it is a sleep-in together, sometimes it’s an evening walk and sometimes it’s a full blown date night.

JM: My favourite thing is to tell Keira we are going on a date night well in advance, but leave the location a surprise. I love trying new foods and experiences and having a partner to share this with is the best. Sometimes this can backfire but those nights will often end in laughter or a great story for later. We have often lucked out with dates such as a night we went to a pop-up French restaurant that felt so authentic it was like we were transported to France for the evening. Or attending the opening night of a new Japanese gyoza bar where we had to line up for an hour to get a table. The spontaneity and different environments help make the night feel special and significant. And we frequently find ourselves feeling like we are on a first date again!

 

4. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

KM: I think Jared and I do three things really well.
1. We listen and respect each other in every situation.
2. We are completely transparent with one other – no topic is off limits in our household.
3. We have taken time to understand our love languages and temperaments. We really believe every couple can benefit from learning how their partner receives and demonstrates love, how they process thoughts and conflict and how to be the best supporter. 4. Have fun! Laugh! Be joyful in each others presence!

JM: Whenever I pickup that Keira has had a long day at work, or is feeling overwhelmed, I rush home before her to tidy our apartment, get dinner started, open a bottle of wine and some chips (her favourite), and light some candles. She then walks into our own little date night at home where she can unwind, put her feet up and everything is taken care of. Keira also does the same for me when I’m feeling this way. I have definitely noticed an ebb and flow to these up and down moments in our relationship where one of us needs the extra love and support. Whenever I can, I drop everything and help lighten Keira’s load or vice versa, it helps us grow closer together and appreciate one another more.

 

5. YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN ON A HUGE JOURNEY OF SIMPLIFYING YOUR LIVES IN EVERY WAY BEFORE YOU MAKE A BIG MOVE TO BALI IN A FEW WEEKS TO PURSUE SOME NEW DREAMS – HOW HAVE THESE CHANGES IMPACTED YOUR MARRIAGE?

JM & KM: We have not so secretly loved minimising our lives in preparation for our move! We counted ourselves as minimal people before we started this process. When we were first married we moved into a small one bedroom apartment and anything that didn’t fit, didn’t stay. We were so proud of our efforts but that was soon trivialised by the process we have just completed. It has honestly been the greatest thing for our marriage. We were lucky that we are both not materialistic in the way we accumulate ‘things’. We think it is so easy to get caught up in the whole ‘keeping up with the Robinsons’ act especially as young married’s attempting to prove themselves in the adult world. Eliminating that pressure all together has allowed us to keep focused on what is really important to us and where we truly hold our values.

 

6. WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES AND ASPIRATIONS FOR YOUR MARRIAGE DURING AND AFTER YOUR YEAR AWAY IN BALI?

KM & JM: Jared and I are currently work full time, are studying, and on top of that, spend a combined total of 35 hours a week commuting (in separate cars). We are so excited for the time we will be getting back in our days once we move! We want to spend time daily, weekly and monthly purposefully growing in areas like spirituality, intimacy, connectedness and mindfulness. We want to come back having learned practices that will support us in marriage for the rest of our lives. To us, there is no greater investment than nourishing your greatest relationship.

 

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

DF & JF: We met through attending the same church, and were cell group leaders so were often at meetings together and easily became friends. Dave was a broke uni student without a car, so Joan would often drive way out of her way to drop him off at home, and it was during this time, and many long conversations, that a solid friendship was built. Two years into the friendship, one late stormy night, we first considered the prospect of what it might be like if we considered dating each other (a concept that on principle and out of love for our friendship we had both never considered ). At first it was weird, and we shut the conversation down, but with further thought and reflection we spoke a few days later and had both come to the conclusion that it actually made perfect sense and maybe the thought of marrying your best friend could actually work.

So we became official and were engaged within 9 months, and married 5 months after that (with a short mission trip to Kenya somehow in the middle of it all)! Someone said to us during that time that “love is a friendship caught on fire” and it certainly was true for us. It seemed so weird to be with your best friend, it wasn’t just the romantic love that the world tells you to look for in a relationship, but it was deeper than that, being founded on a friendship that already was selfless and giving. Then, the real fun began as we started our marriage by being at each others side 24/7 for the first 4 months. We had a 2 week honeymoon within Australia before jetsetting off to Europe for 3 months. Those will forever be some of our best and favourite memories of time well spent.

 

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

DF: I make certain to tell Joan I love her every single day. We stay in constant communication as much as we can through the day, whether its calling her on my lunch break, or sending messages throughout the day, or just spending as much “spare time” as we can muster together, even if it means organising date nights to make it happen if life is otherwise making it difficult. All of the things I do to “grow our love” is made very simple by the fact I already have decided that I am going to love Joan for the rest of our lives. So whether it is giving her my time, or effort to do something for her that she needs or I know she would love, I’m happy to do it.

JF: Dave enjoys things such as board games, coffee and books so I enjoy buying him gifts to support these interests from time to time. And when we are lucky enough to get a quiet night when all the kids have gone to bed, I will suggest that we play a game together as this is one of Dave’s favourite ways to spend an evening. As I am the main cook during the week, I sometimes make simpler meals for the kids so that Dave and I can have something a bit more special once he’s home from work and the kids have gone to bed. Although I do find this a bit challenging as Dave is generally the better cook when it comes to fancy meals but I attempt new recipes to get his tastebuds going. That said, I know Dave loves me regardless and I never have to do any of these things to make him feel loved. We see love as a choice, a choice we made long ago and will not change for the rest of our lives. What we do to express that love changes over time but how much we love one another doesn’t change according to our actions.

 

3. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

DF: Joan and I share a passion for food, so our favorite date would usually mean heading out to a nice restaurant, usually one Joan has had her eye on for a while, and enjoying good food and the whole experience of dining out. So far we haven’t been able to top the experience at Vue De Monde in Melbourne’s CBD! Though I am also a fan of cooking, and a date at home with steaks and homemade bernaise sauce is always a good night.

JF: One of our more recent dates was dinner at Iki-jime, Shannon Bennett’s new seafood restaurant. While it wasn’t fully a date cos we had to bring our 2 month old with us, we enjoyed the fresh food and commenting and critiquing the whole experience. We kind of pretend we are food critics and discuss about the place, lighting, atmosphere, customer service and of course, quality of food. I’m still amazed at how similar we are and love that we get to enjoy good food together.

One of my favourite kind of dates, which we tend to have only occasionally, is to attend a music concert together. We were lucky enough to have recently attended one just recently (kid-free) and it reminded me of how much fun we have when we get to enjoy some good music together. Since having kids the dates out have been a bit of a rush though, with having to get back in time for the babysitter to leave. So date nights at home with Dave’s amazing cooking and a good movie on Netflix has become a real winner especially cos I can stay in my comfy clothes!

 

4. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

DF: Brutal and honest communication. Better to deal with issues as they come up and quickly get the slate clean. Not easy at the time, but it keeps issues from building and resentment or worry from getting in. Sometimes it pays to take a step back, and just be grateful for what you have. In a busy home with busy lives its easy to feel snowed under and allow stress to build up. Intentionally just stopping for a long hug in the middle of the kitchen (even if the kids try to break in, or are grossed out by it) is more important than all the chores and tasks that need to be done. The reminder to each other that what we have is actually pretty great, and we are doing a good job in our marriage and parenting. Just because you think it goes without saying doesn’t mean you shouldn’t say it!

Pray for each other together. Prayer is so key because you get to hear the other persons heart for you, you’re placing the issues in Gods hands, and keeping Him in your home and marriage, and it resets your focus (usually off yourself). Sometimes we have spent hours trying to resolve something and get nowhere, and then it is dealt with by a short prayer!

JF: Through nearly 12 years of marriage, 5 kids and pretty full lives, I can honestly say that Dave and I have had a thriving relationship throughout. We have definitely had our share of ups and downs but the downs haven’t been for long and I truly believe that this has been the case because of some very crucial decisions we made right from the start.

1. There is no such thing as divorce. We said from the beginning that we were going to be together till death do us part so if we have an issue, we better sort it out quick smart so we don’t have to live with it longer than we have to, and the rest of our lives are better for it!

2. Never use sex as currency. Someone told us this early in our marriage and we didn’t fully understand it at the time but now we see the value of that advice. Sex within a marriage should be kept sacred. It’s about giving of yourself to your spouse, the greatest form of intimacy between two human beings. Not to be used as a bargaining chip or a form of control to get what you want.

3. Always be honest. Sometimes our deepest, darkest issues are hard to talk about, even with your closest friend. But in a loving and safe relationship, honesty leads to freedom. Through this we learn to fight together rather than against one another.

4. Always forgive. Sometimes what the other person says or does hurts but it’s no use holding on to it because it brings things to a bitter end. We can ALWAYS choose to forgive and watch new life and new love grow out of seemly bleak situations.

5. Always ask God for help. This is by far the most important. With God, He shows us how He sees the other person and how He loves the other person, so we can too. With God, He is our strength in our weakness, so we have no excuse. With God, all things are made new again. With God, there is more than we could ever dream or imagine.

 

5. HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN BALANCE BETWEEN BEING A HUSBAND/WIFE NOW THAT YOU’RE PARENTS?

JF: When we were new parents I was told by an older, wiser father in our church that “first you are a wife, then a mother”. While we didn’t fully understand that statement at the time, we have definitely seen the benefit of heeding it. It taught us from the start that our priority should always be each other before the children, and our roles as husband and wife come before our responsibilities as father and mother.

DF & JF: Through the years, as we have expanded our family, how much time we spend with one another and the activities that we get to do together have changed, but the quality hasn’t. We still place just as much value on our marriage as we did at the start and see it as our responsibility to impart this to the kids so that they too can learn about how important having a good marriage is. Not to mention, the security it provides for them to grow up in a loving home!

It comes out in simple ways like making sure we talk/debrief/discuss and the kids, with all their demands, have to wait their turn when we are in the middle of conversations. Parenting, just like how we are already operating as one in our marriage, is also done as one, where we are both responsible for raising, teaching and disciplining the kids and we make sure we are always on the same page. Something we have also started doing in the last few years is including our kids in celebrating our wedding anniversary. It teaches them that our marriage is important, of value and worth celebrating.

 

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

JP & BP: We certainly aren’t your conventional love story! Our story began when we were two & three years old. Josh’s Dad pastored the church my family attended in eastern Melbourne and we were family friends. At the age of six, Josh moved to Italy and at 14 came back to Australia but moved to QLD. Five years later (thanks to Facebook) we made contact again. Bron came up to visit and the rest is history! Six months of back and fourth long distance relationship before we tied the knot and Bron moved up to QLD!

 

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

JP: One way I intentionally grow our love is through always giving Bron the space to share and work through her emotions when she needs this space. No matter what I initally think, I have leanred the importance of truly HEARING her and also choosing to give her this prioritses her and our marriage in my mind, consolidating it’s place of absolute value in my mind. One very specific and spicy way we grow our love intentionally that some of our friends know about and now you all do haha is sneaking away at (almost) every wedding we are at for some “alone time”. This is always fun to try to find a good hiding spot and gives us a laugh afterwards too!!!

BP: I intentionally grow my love for Josh through writing him letters of encouragement about his character and who I know him to be. He keeps most of these in his wallet or his journal. I also made him a 365 day personalised devotional / love dare book. This has prayers, verses, photos and different ideas to enhance our love for God & each other.

 

3. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

JP: We love spending the day together down on the Gold Coast always getting an ice cream, of course! This was one of the places we spent the most time at when we were dating 💛 Sometimes this ‘date’ looks like our kids being there too, but this was one of the places we put on the list we made with our counsellor to share this experience when we need reconnection or repair.

BP: We are not great at going out on dates (although our fave place is currently ‘Ole’ in Southbank Brisbane where we order lamb Cordero to share and an AMAZING Spanish red wine! Seriously go there if you’re ever in Brisbane). With both of our parents living over an hour away babysitters are few & far between. We make intentional time together every week and our at-home-dates have been extremely special bonding time that we can enjoy each other fully, either making a beautiful platter and Josh making us a Gin & Tonic or cooking a fave Italian meal together!

 

4. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

JP: Being aware that ups and DOWNS are going to happen, but especially all the in between stuff as well, learning to become content and find the joy in the daily ‘mundane-ness’ of doing life together. Gaining an awareness of EXPECTATIONS from both parties (on each other AND yourself) has been vital for us to allow the other the FREEDOM to learn how to love each other more honestly. Giving each other the space to be known fully by the other, including the good and bad of the person and accepting who they truly are has helped us to grow deep roots of trust and connection with each other. Communicating even the painful and ‘shameful’ aspects of who we are to the other and revealing that fully furthers this growth and develops unconditional love. And when you don’t have the unconditional love for the other who may be hurting you, giving it over to God and choosing the other despite their flaws.

BP: Learning to communicate properly, directly and assertively (and knowing your spouse is not a mind reader) has been vital for us staying committed and growing our daily joy in our marriage (also reduced many potential conflicts). This has happened through seeing a marital therapist for 3 years, reading many books TOGETHER and apart (eg. The Meaning of Marriage, Keep Your Love On, and Relationships a Mess Worth Making – just incase you need a good title!) as well as being intentional about TRULY prioritising your marriage above all else, INCLUDING work, children and SELF (and ensuring that your spouse KNOWS this).

 

5. HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN BALANCE BETWEEN BEING A HUSBAND/WIFE NOW THAT YOU’RE PARENTS?

This has begun for us by the way we view our roles in our family. We see too many people, especially Mums I think, finding their entire identity in motherhood. I would suggest that putting your role as a spouse before your role as a parent is the only way you will function at your best for your children. The love that flourishes and stems from your marriage falls directly onto the heads of your children – they are covered by it and sense it within the family bond created through the foundation of your marriage. Practically this looks like putting our children to bed EARLY and spending intentional time together, getting to know each others world. We sit down together at the end of the day and debrief without judgement and recognise our flaws and triumphs throughout the day. This is a grounding ritual that enables us to embrace whatever the new day brings in the morning.

 

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

RF: We met at a mutual friend’s birthday party in the city. It was dress up and Tana was wearing a Pikachu costume which started our conversation and led to us talking for the rest of the night and hanging by each other’s side, I really felt at ease with him. “It wasn’t love at first sight exactly but it was familiarity. Something like oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you” – (Mhairi Mcfarlane) We were friends for about 9 months, I already knew he was going to be my husband and I was the frontrunner in love, I patiently waiting for Tana’s feelings to develop. Until one day he expressed his interest! Soon after I invited him over for brunch. Afterwards we decided to relax in the hammock out back where his hand touched mine and that was the pivotal point! He asked me to be his girlfriend before the first Kiss shortly after. He asked me to marry him a year later and we married in the Melbourne Botanical gardens after our year of engagement. Our wedding was small and intimate and included a Samoan Siva (traditional Samoan dance)

TF: I had seen Rina at church once or twice but only met her at a mutual friend’s birthday. Being from New Zealand we found common ground and we got talking right from the start of the night and by the end we were friends. I found her attractive but felt she was out of mu league. We stayed in contact after that night and hung out a lot more. Rina came up with the grand idea for charity to walk from Geelong to Frankston and invited me to join with a couple of others. From that experience my feelings for her passed the friendship level (because there’s heaps of levels of friendships) I eventually found out that she specifically came up with this fundraising idea as it meant she could spend the most time with me as she already had the hots for me. We started dating soon after and got engaged exactly a year later. We married exactly a year after that. Our Wedding day was the best day of my life. We got married at the Tennyson lawn at Botanical Gardens and reception at the Boatbuilders Yard Southbank. The venue was so unique with its glass walls, we entertained our guests cocktail style and managed to speak to everyone we invited.

 

 

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

TF: When the weather is decent, and the work day is not too strenuous, ‘I’d’ like to suggest going for a short walk with Florence in the pram (but Rina initiates this all the time). I do genuinely love this time, as ideas, dreams, possible holidays are tossed around. I feel if we have the same life dreams and same life goals our love will flourish especially when we have something to work towards.

RF: Once our daughter goes down to bed at night. We have been trying to have at least some quality time at night which is technology free. Instead of just gazing into our phones or the TV we have been more mindful of each other’s feelings and switching off. This gives us more time for love in our relationship as we can communicate face-to-face, cuddle and have dinner together without any interruptions. Lately I’ve been into making raw desserts, so we’ve been tasting them together while we debrief on our days. It’s fun to see what Tana enjoys and if he can guess the ingredients!

 

3. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

TF: We enjoy a drive, either to the Dandenong mountains and choosing a nice cafe to have a break at or driving to the Mornington Peninsula to a winery to have lunch. Either way we enjoy the moments spent togther in the car because these locations are about 40min to an hour away.

RF: A typical date for us would be a Friday night at home on the couch, some takeaway, wine and a movie. Its the most relaxing thing curling up on the couch and unwinding after a long week. We also love to brunch on Saturday mornings if we arnt to busy with other commitments

 

4. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

TF: Listening! and not just acting like I’m listening but taking it all in and giving her advice where I can. I don’t always have the answers but just being there to support Rina’s concerns and what shes going through makes all the difference as she feels supported and knows that I stand by her.

RF: Never letting the sun go down on your wrath! This piece of advice was actually given to us by a married couple we admire just before we were married. We took it on board thinking it would be great to live by. We have had a few long nights to say the least but we have never gone to bed without things being resolved between us.

 

 

5. HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN BALANCE BETWEEN BEING A HUSBAND/WIFE NOW THAT YOU’RE PARENTS?

We have found it hard getting ‘us’ time with our little one breaking in and out of routine. But we do try to have the last few hours of the night with just the two of us and making the short amount of time quality time! This also means asking questions and taking interest in each and our days. It’s so easy to fall into talking about Florence so finding that balance is a balancing act in it self, but we do know that our time is shared now and we wouldn’t change it for the world.

 

First off let me just say that as a primary school teacher and a tradie, we couldn’t be more polar opposites in our stances on reading. Mark only read a complete chapter book when his parents forced him to read two books before we got married, so he did haha! So as you can imagine most of these we read together or I read aloud to Mark. They’re all very simple, easy to read and digest books but filled with really great practical advice and insights from authors who have decades of marriage wisdom and professionally counsel couples.

Our hope through Love Salt Light is to share ideas and resources that we’ve found valuable in our own relationship. We wanted to make what’s inside these books available to you everyday through our Instagram, as we know not everyone will be motivated to read a whole book about marriage. But for those who want to learn and grow more, these are some we constantly refer to.

I’m sure there are countless titles some of you could recommend so please share with us and our growing LSL community. Comment on our posts or send us DM!!

We’d LOVE to know if you get around to reading any of these too.

(Keep your eyes peeled for a little book giveaway we’re going to do soon too!)

PS- if you’re wondering, most of these could be found online to purchase or at your local Koorong Bookstore!

Mark and Lauren

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It can seem a bit contradictory to say that one of the keys of a healthy marriage is to spend some time apart. But what it means is that couples must happily accommodate each other to have some down time or ensure both husband and wife are being given some opportunities to develop their individual interests. This is something we probably had down pat before we had a baby (or maybe you now have two or three littles) before or after work we both had time to do many different things we enjoyed and then still come home and have a leisurely evening together.

But now throw parenthood (need I say more) into the mix and our personal interests have been put way, way back. Exercise is something that’s quite important to us both. I’m most certainly not an athlete by nature, Mark however looks ripped all year around no matter what he eats and how little he exercises – but making sure I do something active most days is really important for my wellbeing. I’ve been exercising since J was born but it’s getting increasingly harder – with either having to entertain a toddler while trying to do a home workout, or squeeze it into his naptime along with the other hundred jobs I need to get done it was starting to not be as enjoyable. For Mark – since we’ve been housesitting my parent’s home by the sea for the last few months, he’s been without his home gym set up and with longer work days and travel time, he has also struggled to fit it in. So when the new year rolled again, it’s always a good time to restart and refresh. One big thing we discussed for this year was to make sure we’re happily giving each other time (and being a cheerleader of it) to do something solely for ourselves. We both wanted to encourage it, embrace it and not begrudge the other when it’s their turn. We both equally deserve child free time and we know it brings an even greater level of love and appreciation to our relationship and makes us happier parents too. I’ve just finished a 21 day Reformer Pilates Challenge and man has that been amazing for me physically – but more so it has increased my gratitude to Mark tenfold, by watching how graciously he has allowed to go to classes on so many evenings. Now I can’t wait to ‘release’ Mark to go and do something for himself and see him pursue a new hobby or interest. It won’t always be turn-taking and we’ll continue to get better at balance, but our hope is to see the fruit that it brings to our marriage and family by putting each other first.

We’d love to hear how you guys make it work in your marriage – children or no children!

M&L

X

Some takeaway questions to reflect on –

Are both husband and wife being given some opportunities to develop their individual interests?

Are our separate interests causing resentment or are we genuinely pleased to give each other this time? Are we both seeking to ‘release’ the other rather than to grasp time for ourselves?

Are we willing to give up our separate interests if family circumstances require it?

We literally did a happy dance when this beauty and her man said a huge “YES!” and leaped at being apart of our Love Salt Light Feature Couples. We have admired them and their gorgeous little fam for their authenticity, honesty, creativity and passion for life through the Instagram lens, but it’s been the biggest cherry on top to chat with these two and see the genuine sweetness oozing out of them ‘behind the scenes.’ You’re in for a treat!

 

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

CG & TG: We first met when Caleb was 15 and I (Tess) was 18. An 18 year old woman-to-be certainly doesn’t have a 15 year old boy on her radar. We met on a church leadership retreat and it wasn’t until Caleb was 21 that he decided to pursue me—he did it so tenaciously and with a kind confidence that yelled “I’m not looking back” —I couldn’t help but fall for him and his gentleman like romance even though I had only ever seen him as a brother the years previous. We fell for each other pretty quickly from the moment he decided to chase me down and before we knew it we walking down the isle. I can’t help but look back at our love story and smile, it was and is a story of wild wild love and somehow by the grace of God we have kept this as the culture of our relationship after eight years of being married. We love—LOVE!

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

CG: Being aware of Tess’ needs and making sure her love tank is full. Words and romance are important to her, so making intentional decisions to daily meet her needs keeps our marriage fresh, strong and interesting. I also think making intentional choices to do things that enrich marriage even if you think things are going really well eg: Marriage courses, dates, holidays together etc.

TG: I’m a big believer that romance isn’t something that magically falls upon some and flies over others—it’s a chosen choice. So in this underlining belief I like to keep things fresh with weekly gestures of love for Caleb eg: Love notes, simple and selfless acts of love whether it be having all the good kinda vibes sparking in our home upon Caleb’s arrival after work—candles, music and dinner etc or just being awake and aware of his needs as a man, friend and lover. Words are also powerful in our marriage, we both thrive under encouragement like most humans do, but this for us is key. COMMUNICATION IS KEY!! Speaking words of life to each other and about each other when we are apart has been a central foundation of keeping love and respect alive in our marriage. We also set aside one night a week which we call “date night”—It belongs to us alone and this allows us to make weekly solid time to chill together or go out somewhere to connect. I think choosing to be on each others team is also something that really enriches our marriage, assuming the best and always having the other as no.1.

 

3. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

CG: My all time favourite date to take Tess on is—Pancakes cooked in an open field. I did this for her before we were married and she often reminisces on it. I’ll pull this little date out as a surprise here and there because I knows how much Tess likes it. I think the most simple/thoughtful of dates are the best!

TP: To take Caleb on his perfect kind of date I would usually plan for an afternoon beach swim, dinner out (steak and whisky), maybe a movie and of course—Some sweet loving. He’s pretty easily pleased. Food and sex haha

 

 

4. HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN BALANCE BETWEEN BEING A HUSBAND/WIFE NOW THAT YOU’RE PARENTS?

How fitting! This question comes a day after we have arrived home from our babymoon (11 days in New York City kid free)— It was romantic bliss to say the least. This trip is a very extravagant example and by no means do we do this kind of thing often, but we do it in other and more simple forms. We make time together priority. We absolutely love being a family and love raising our 4 year old daughter and love experiencing life at it’s fullest with her by our side (we are better together!), but—we also know how important it is to make time for “just us”. If we aren’t ok, our family isn’t ok and our household doesn’t run at it’s optimum levels of Love.

We find that regular weekend trips together (we are blessed with incredible parents that will often have our daughter because they support our marriage and the importance of time together), date night, putting each other first, and allowing each other to still pursue our personal hobbies and passions really helps the balance in our home, marriage and family. Caleb is incredible at releasing me to do the things I loved doing before motherhood and in turn I feel such importance around releasing Caleb to pursue his passions. This keeps us both growing, refreshed, inspired and in turn we are better parents and lovers and our family dynamics are at there best! We haven’t got it all right but we certainly give it a good shot.

 

 

5. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

CG: Keeping God in the center of our relationship, chivalry, keeping it fresh, speaking praise to and about each other even when we are apart, patience & selflessness, keeping our hearts/eyes/minds for each other.

TG: I think having a “not looking back” attitude keeps us committed to each. I have no plan B, I made a promise to Caleb 8 years ago and I take my promises seriously. Even in the not so romantic moments of our relationship I choose love. Love is selfless and a choice. My relationship and family is one of the most important parts of my life and I will fight to keep them healthy and thriving till the day I die, it’s my promise to Caleb.

 

 

 

MD & LD: We hope you were just as blessed and encouraged by reading Tess and Caleb’s story as we were! Everything they wrote just resounded so deeply with us and it is SO SO inspiring to know there are other everyday couples out there with the same dream, to see their marriage stand the test of time and be the best and most beautiful thing it can be!

If you want to see more from this lovely lady, check out Tess’ website https://www.tessguinery.co/ and get your hands on one of her stunning rainbow prints and prose and check out her Instagram for daily pearls of wisdom @tessguinery.

It’s been the biggest pleasure having them on here chatting to us, what a dream!

x

ABOUT US

Jessie and Tys met in 2007, started dating in 2008 and got married in 2011. Jessie’s a secondary school teacher and Tys works as a performance coach. They are travel and adventure junkies, have a deep appreciation for music from the 60’s and love to go camping by the beach when they get a long-weekend away.

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

TP: I went to a Church in Ballarat for the first time. When I walked in I saw Jessie and thought ‘please be 18!’. She wasn’t. But after a couple of years the 4 years age gap didn’t matter so much. I asked her out and she said she wasn’t interested. I thought she was lying. Her Mum did too so she invited me to their house for dinner every Thursday. After a year, Jessie realized I was an AWESOME catch and she couldn’t resist my charm. Three years later I asked her to marry me. She cried and took the ring which I assumed meant yes.

JP: We met in my hometown, at the church I grew up in after Tys had moved there for University. We got on really well, but when he asked me out a few months later I was shocked and was not interested. A year later, after our friendship had bloomed I started to see him in a different way- and I got the courage to tell him I had changed my mind. Lucky for me, he had liked me all that time.

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

TP: I wake Jessie up with a coffee each morning. I don’t mean that I pour it on her and she wakes up … I mean I bring it to her. It’s a small favor but I know it is her favorite start to the day.

JP: One way we grow our love is by slow dancing. We are no good at it, and these moments are more spontaneous than intentional but have come to mean a heap to us. Tys and I will have music playing as we cook, clean or are just doing odd jobs around home. Often we will find ourselves slow dancing in each other’s arms to the right song. It’s pretty romantic. And it’s great for both our love languages: Tyson’s need for personal touch and my need for affirmation (the words to the song are what get me)

3. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

TP: We are the café kings. Our dates usually revolve around going to a bloody good coffee shop and getting a great coffee. We just got back to Melbourne from London last week so we went to one of our favorite café’s, ‘Barry’ as soon as we landed.

JP: Tys and I were living in London close to Hampstead Heath the last couple of years and evolved a great appreciation for the parks and picnicking. In Europe you can buy a bottle of wine and drink it legally in public so we often made full use of this tolerance while watching the sun go down and the lights come on over the views of the city.

4. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

TP & JP: Marriage is never 50%- 50%. Some days its is 10:90, others it is 70:30. Life is full of seasons and as long as you know this it will keep you from being bitter and misunderstanding when you need to pull your weight a little more, or it will help you to not feel guilty when it is your turn to be taken care of. Also, never judge your relationship based on someone else’s highlight reel. It can feel like other couples and families are full of fun and adventure but you never know what they struggle with in real life!

 

PLAN IT
PRIORITIZE IT
PROTECT IT

Hopefully you’re here because you read our latest Instagram post on creating a weekly home date and you want to know more about it. So to continue on…

The way we have done this three step process of Plan – Prioritise – Protect, is to try to keep Tuesday evenings free every week. This actually only started around 4 months ago as we trialed the “turn it off and talk it out” idea for a month, because we were wanting to suggest others doing it on LSL but we figured we should probably do it ourselves first! That was in October last year and we have continued it every week since then. Woo! Having it planned and locked in on one night has made a huge difference. We prioritize it by trying our best not to plan other social commitments on Tuesdays and, Mark makes sure he doesn’t work late on this night.  Of course when the occasional non-flexible event arises, we move our night to another for that week.

Once our son goes to bed we make sure the TV is off and our phones are away. We don’t do the same thing every Tuesday and we don’t do anything extravagant (we save the effort and really fun ideas for our monthly dates) but honestly just having the TV off creates such a calm environment for quality conversation. Seeing what is has done for our communication and connection has made us most definitely want to protect this new ritual!

Some of the things we’ve done on these nights are; read a marriage devotional book together and chat about topics that arise, exercised together, watched a webinar on something we wanted to learn about, played Scrabble, enjoyed our favourite bottle of wine, recreated a favourite dessert together, discussed an issue that arose over the week or, just generally cuddled on the couch with a cup of tea and caught up.

None of these things have cost much money, and took very little time to plan out.

Basically the idea is just to TALK so what you do doesn’t really matter as much.

But here are some fun little ideas you could try to get you into the zone!

What you need: Baby/children asleep (or at least a couple of hours in between feeds if they're still little bubs), TV off, phones away, candle lit, lights dimmed, comfy clothes on!

–          Eat dinner in the backyard, or set up a picnic blanket on the lawn with some pillows and just gaze at the stars while cuddling

–          Sit in a different room of the house – maybe a different sitting area, an old comfy couch, or mattress on the floor in the spare room (Change is as good as a holiday!! – We have a beautiful view of the ocean from the upstairs lounge which we really should make more use of but we just always default to the main couch downstairs)

–          Order your favourite dessert from a local restaurant and have an after dinner special treat

–          Play a board/card game together

–          Find a recipe and make a new cocktail or mixed drink you’ve wanted to try

–          Put some music on and cook a quick dessert together

–          Work out together (interpret that however you wish…)

–          Read a book together in bed – take it in turns to read sections aloud

–          Go through old photos of you together and have a good laugh over a glass of wine (old hairstyles always get a big LOL)

If you're struggling for what to talk about, have a look at our weekly #talkitout Instagram posts for some questions that are great discussion starters!!

These times should be fun and memorable. It's a time to hold hands, laugh together, and above all TALK and listen to each other. Time to share your hopes and fears, excitement and fears or struggles and achievements of the day. Try not to let domestic duties, bills or work creep into these few precious hours. Keep it purely for focusing on growing your love!!

We'd love to hear if you try any of these things or if you decide to start a regular home date night! Maybe try it for a month like we did, and see if it sticks!! You won't look back!

– Mark and Lauren

x

 

 

Images sourced from Junebug Weddings
https://junebugweddings.com/wedding-blog/cozy-cabin-couple-portraits-in-hood-river-or/

ABOUT US

Hello! We are Travis and Cat Sanders. We have been together for almost 6 years and married for four. We met in NYC but happened to live ten minutes apart where we both lived in Melbourne. We love to travel with our beautiful 2 year old Hazel, and work together everyday running our own businesses. Our little family lives in Hawthorn with our dog Zac, where we have just completed an extensive renovation. We love spending time with family and friends, and adventuring together!

 

1. TELL US YOUR SIMPLE LOVE STORY

CS: We met in NYC while travelling with mutual friends. I had heard about Trav, but didn’t really know much, I was attracted to him at first sight for sure. It was all pretty quick, I was travelling for another 2 weeks after we met and left each other, so it meant a lot of text and phone calls. God had definitely told me before we left NYC that I would marry Trav. When we were both back in Melbourne we hung out all the time and it eventually was pretty clear what was going on. We dated for over a year before Trav proposed. We had bought a house together, and he proposed in the house filled with SO MANY CANDLES! It was so perfect. So simple, but the most beautiful and well thought out proposal. We got married 5 months later in the forest. We chose to say our vows in front of only about 15 people. Emotions were running high that day. And then we had a massive party back at a warehouse in the city. We designed and organized every single part of our day. We are both pretty creative, so wanted to use our love for that to make our day very personalized and a reflection of who we are.

TS: We met in NYC through mutual friends although I had heard about Cat in conversation with other friends in Melbourne, our paths had never crossed. I immediately thought she was pretty hot but I really wasn’t looking to meet anyone, but after a few days together in New York, I knew we had something pretty special, and so I started to think she was going to be the one. We were apart for about a week whilst we both travelled separately, but the day we both were in Melbourne again, we basically didn’t spend a day apart again. I knew pretty early that I was going to marry this girl, but wanted to wait at least 12 months before proposing. So around 14 months later I proposed with a diamond at our house (which we had recently purchased together), where earlier in the day I had 2 friends ‘break in’ and set up over 200 candles down the hallway and living room that they lit right before we got home, and well she walked into this and, of course said yes! We were then able to design an engagement ring together using the diamond I gave.

2. DESCRIBE ONE WAY YOU EACH INTENTIONALLY GROW YOUR LOVE?

CS: We both love going out to eat, so for us spending that one on one time together means so much to the both of us. My love language is definitely quality time and words of affirmation, so being able to eat delicious food and talk for hours is so great. Now that we have a little girl too, time spent alone together is a rarity! We also love driving, so this is often a time we can talk, share, and I always feel closer to Trav after long romantic drives. It’s very simple but works for us because we also work and own run a business together, we have to set time aside to really connect.

TS: We love spending time together both as a family, and one on one. We travel a lot so being together for long periods of time is easy. Eating out and having regular date nights without the distraction of our baby girl is also something we make sure we do. Buying spontaneous flowers or gifts for Cat when doing groceries or, a simple surprise drive somewhere nice for lunch, or just a quick drink. As long as we’re together, we always find something fun to do.

3. SHARE YOUR MOST RECENT, OR FAVOURITE GO-TO DATE

CS: My family have a beach house down the coast and there is a winery down there that we love! We buy a bottle of wine from the winery and drive down this dirt road to an amazing view of the bay. It is so relaxing and always make us both happy no matter what is happening in our life. We love travel… so really anything that is an adventure, whether it be an hours drive away at a winery or a 14 hour flight to our favorite LA, I love doing life with my man!!

TS: We just love either going for a drive down the coast in the middle of the week- just because. Or a romantic dinner and drinks in the city somewhere. One of my favorite things to do it get a bottle of wine from the winery near our beach house, and a little picnic of cheese etc and park somewhere on the water with a view and just sitting in the back of the car, talking or just sitting and enjoying each others’s company. A spontaneous interstate or overseas trip is also a little treat we like to do sometimes.

4. SHARE YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE TO KEEP A MARRIAGE THRIVING

CS: On our wedding day, we wrote our own vows. A snippet of mine went something like this. “I stand here today loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know ….”
Marriage is a choice. And everyday I make a decision to love Trav. I choose to put him first and to make sure I am the best wife I can be.
Spending intentional time together is our way of reconnecting and just really talking about the important stuff. Life is crazy and busy and sometimes I wonder how months can fly by. At the end of the day, we are a team and if we are on the same page we can make anything work!

TS: Always set aside regular time together and as a family to be together and connect and communicate. Whether it’s a regular date night, or weekend getaway, making intentional time together in our busy lives ensures we are growing together as a couple, and on the same page with our journey