Sarah and Nathan have a very unique story. Both were married young however, both their first marriages ended due to their spouses choosing to pursue another relationship outside of marriage, and subsequently causing the marriages to break down.
They met years later and have begun a NEW journey together, healed and now newly engaged – they are ready to commit to marriage again.
Their story is such an encouragement of His redemption and the amazing way God can turn around circumstances after divorce.

1. Tell us your love story 
   We both met online (Christian Connection). We were open to meeting someone but both had lost confidence after our marriage breakdowns. We both married young prior- and so to get back into the dating game was daunting. Not everyone has a good experience with online dating- but we just saw it as a tool to connect and meet people. It cuts the guess work out-it was upfront that you were looking for a partner and some details & history (ie Sarah: I have a son from my prior marriage- I was able to make this clear on my profile so anyone talking to me knew before exploring anything with me). We started to chat and things moved fast. We got along so well and wanted the same things. After meeting a few times it was clear to us both that there was a future in this. We both were social workers and both had similar journeys with our previous marriage breakdowns- so our similarities really connected us. 
   

2. After separating from both of your spouses, how did you feel about marriage and divorce as we imagine your previous expectations for your future were quite shattered?

Nathan: Yes, I wondered if I was good enough to get married to another person. I found I  internalized my marriage breaking down and thought some thing was wrong with me. That in some way I had failed and not a good enough partner. Even though I still believed in marriage- I just didn’t know I would find someone who would accept me being a ‘divorcee’ at such a young age (26). 

Sarah: Similar to Nathan, even thought I knew I had done nothing specific to end my marriage (My ex husband decided to walk away)- I also felt like ‘damaged goods’. I was concerned that all men would be non committal and that I could not trust them. I had got to a point where I was happy being single as I never wanted to be hurt like I had been in the past. In turn I had put up some solid walls to ensure this. I didn’t realize this until Nathan came along I could allow myself to trust &  love again.

3. How did you hold onto hope that there was another person for you?

Nathan: My parents would say that God has the perfect person for me and I should start praying for them. Having good people around who can hold onto hope for you when yours has weakened. 

Sarah: Agree with above. Having people around you who can speak hope and faith even when It doesn’t look the way you want it is KEY. Even when I had no hope- I had people around me who would hold onto hope for me. And in the meantime while single I got on with life and lived it to the full. I didn’t just wait ‘until’ I met someone to live my best life- I moved forward with life.

Nathan: My parents would say that God has the perfect person for me and I should start praying for them. Having good people around who can hold onto hope for you when yours has weakened. 
Sarah: Agree with above. Having people around you who can speak hope and faith even when It doesn’t look the way you want it is KEY. Even when I had no hope- I had people around me who would hold onto hope for me. And in the meantime while single I got on with life and lived it to the full. I didn’t just wait ‘until’ I met someone to live my best life- I moved forward with life.

4. How did you know you were ready for another relationship?

Nathan: I felt ready pretty soon- I wanted to move forward and open to meeting someone to share life with. Every situation is so unique. My ex wife and I lived in a different state- so when it became apparent that she was seeing someone else and did not want to reconcile I moved to Melbourne for a fresh start. This was so helpful for me to start over and move forward. 

Sarah: I needed more time. I think having a young child at the time (my son was 2 years of age when the marriage broke down) my first initial focus was on him. Selling our home and trying to move forward just took more time with a child. I had met a few people prior to Nathan- but nothing felt right until he came along. I just felt so safe with him and knew there was a peace over our relationship. 

5. How is your mindset different going into your second marriage? 
Nathan: We are working together as a team- not against each other.. Communicate in a timely manner- don’t bottle it in. I think guys have a tendency to internalize and not speak up- this sadly creates more tension. The best thing to do is to talk it out. Communication is KEY and the oxygen to relationships. Clarify if you’re unsure and don’t assume. Work out what her love language is and be intentional to show her love in a way that she receives it (eg. Sarah loves flowers- they are not my thing-  but that $15 I spend on a bunch of roses means the world to her  & worth every dollar). 

Sarah: I think going into this I knew more of what I wanted and what I did NOT want. I wanted someone who would have a soft heart towards me, someone who had humility and would work alongside me as a team. Faith is a big value of mine- so I wanted someone with a genuine faith and who would encourage the best in me and for my son. The superficial things didn’t matter as much- I wanted a good man with a good heart who would be my best friend. It sounds strange- but I remember thinking that If I ever got sick in any way I could totally see them standing by my side in the hard times not just the good. Life can throw all sorts of curve balls- I wanted someone who I could envisage would tough it out in the hard times (all these things I see in Nathan 

6. We imagine there was a lot of hurt to heal from and trust to develop – how did you establish that in your new relationship?
Nathan: To be honest- Sarah has never given me a reason not to trust. But if I ever feel insecure or unsure I will always communicate my triggers or concerns with Sarah- given her history she understands and will always take on board my feelings.

Sarah: For me it has been a little more difficult. At times I find my mind worrying about things that are not rational just because of my history and being so hurt in the past. I’m so thankful that Nathan gets it and understands its not him- its my past trauma. Once again (I feel like a broken record) communication is key- when we identify the root of it being my past- we are able to move forward. Nathan has been so reassuring always and this helps every time. Sometimes I have to be direct and just tell him I’m feeling insecure- he then knows I need reassurance. I cant expect him to read my mind- I have to speak up 

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7. What practical things do you think you’ll put in place in your relationship to protect your marriage?

Our faith has been a big thing- we both are on the same page with values on love and our relationship with God. We pray together, for each other and do devotionals together. Being equal- that we both have strengths and both can lead in different ways to compliment each other.  To identify what fills one another’s love tanks and to actively seek out to make our partner feel loved and appreciated daily. 

8. Share your best advice for people who have lost hope in waiting for the right person to come along.
It might sound direct, but, Be practical. Don’t just expect it just to happen. In other words- get out and about meeting people, sign up to a dating website and move past the initial awkwardness of it- you never know who you might meet. relationships are a risk, and this can be daunting if you’ve been hurt.
Just because one person has hurt you, does not mean all people are going to do the same. Stay curious and don’t write people off too quickly (example- we have a 8 year age gap and initially this was a concern but, as we got to know each other the gap wasn’t a issue). Don’t wait around to meet someone to start living your best life- go ahead and adventure and enjoy every season (whether its single life or in a relationship) – the right person will come along and compliment you.